(no subject)

Bullshit fairytales and the tale of miracle coins (Sequent of Baby, Goodnight.) (Prologue)

Author: 1kbig.

Genre: AU, Angst and Romatic

Rating: PG.

Disclaiming: Unfortunately, they are not mine because who would write fic if videos were so much better!

A/N: This took me a hell of time to finish and really, Trevi Fountain, wait for me ok!

Summary: what is the kind of untouched love, like literally untouched, and what if all you need is 2 pennies to find your true love…

YOU CAN FIND 'Baby, Goodnight' fic HERE: http://1kbig.livejournal.com/543.html


“Um, ok….Ok….No, no! We already prepared everything, you don’t have to buy anything…. Really! Just come here has fast as possible ok! 5 minutes? Great! See you later then. Bye!”

“They are coming?” Seunghyun poked his head out of their kitchen, rising his fine brows at his girlfriend…no, his two-week fiancée was more correcting. He glanced at the ring on her finger and couldn’t help but smile silly himself.

God, he loved her so much that his heart might bust.

“Yup! Yup!” Chaerim chirped and rushed to him, “They are here already! We have…um, 4 minutes! Oh my gosh! Have we done with the food? Do we forget anything for their room? Toothbrushes! I should have bought toothbrush for them! I forgot! I my gosh!”

“Chaerim! Chaerim! Breathe.” Seunghyun took his freaking out lover and pulled her into comforting hug, warm smile on his lips, “Come one, breathe, baby. We are doing fine. She is gonna love you and she will properly love to live here with us too. I promise.” He patted her lightly and lovingly on the back, “Because you are doing your best for her and she will see how much you love her.”

“Yeah?” the lovely girl smiled into her lover’s chest, “Oh gosh! I freak out again, don’t I?” She chuckled and then hugged her boyfriend back, “This is the first time we meet since my parents separated you know. The two of us were still too young to remember….we are on good theme or not….i just scare that….” She sighed contently as the man tightened his arms around her, “And then out of nowhere she decided to come back to Korea and live with me! And you don’t know how excited I was!” She looked up at him with twinkling eyes as she chuckled, “Gosh! I, myself, don’t even know how excited I was!”

“Oh, believe me, I know.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead, his heart expanded at her blinding smile, “I was there too.”

The bell chose that moment to ring and Chaerim flew to the door so fast, Seunghyun was afraid she would trip for her.

“Hey! Be careful…..” Seunghyun called out but his voice was drown out by the screams and squeals from the front door and Seunghyun could only chuckled as he walked himself out to witness the union of his girlfriend and her 15-years-apart younger sister.

“Oh my God! You are so tall!” Chaerim squealed as she hugged her sister, “You are just like a doll!”

“Mom said I look like you so are you complementing yourself?” Yoon Ah giggled as she hugged her older sister back, just as tight.

“Oh, really! Mom said so?” the older girl loosened her arms a bit so she could look at the younger one, “And how is she? Oh! And don’t you come with your boyfriend? Where is he?” she peeked her head out to the hallway searching for the new guy but seeing no one.

“Oh. He is struggling with 2 huge suit cases of mine and his right now.” Yoon Ah said, “He properly will get here anyway. Before that you should introduce me to that gentleman is standing just right behind you.”

“Ah!” Chaerim turned around to face her lover, “I forgot! So sorry, baby!”

“It’s ok.” Seunghyun dismissed her as he walked closer to them with an out straight hand, “I’m Choi Seunghyun, Chaerim’s fiancé. Nice to meet you as well as having you here to live with us.”

“Nice to meet you too!” Yoon Ah took the guy’s hand with a firm shake, “I don’t think you would be this gorgeous in real life though.” Then she looked at her older sister who was looking fluttering and proud at the same time.

“Thank you for your complement.” He laughed loudly at her and he took an immediate liking on her, “Why don’t you girls get in so I can go and help the poor guy?” Seunghyun stepped to the side and motioned them to move in by his head.

“Oh, yeah! Right! The boyfriend!” Chaerim said like she had completely forgotten about the guy, “Yes, yes. You should go and help him.” She hurried pulled her sister in, “We guess that you guys haven’t eaten anything from the airport so we made a small meal. Hope it suits your taste.”

“Korean foods!” Yoon Ah chirped, “Gosh! I love it!”

And then they disappeared into the kitchen left Seunghyun smiling at them. He sighed delighted at the loud laughter of the girls before turned and headed out of the door. Half step out of the door he collided with someone and stumbled backward.

“Shit!” He cursed and heard the other person, a guy, did the same.

Seunghyun looked up to check if he had done any damage with an apology on his lips, “I’m so sorr….”, which very much died on him when his eyes land on the face in front of him.

And the world just stopped turning.

Time stopped to float by.

His heart stopped beating.

His lung stopped taking air.

His mind stopped working.

Everything just freaking stopped.

So that he felt.

Like six feet underground.


Motions were buried with feeling flooded into him just so sudden that it suffocated.

Too much emotions and feelings that Seunghyun might go insane.

 Those eyes, he was drowning into them….

Too deep to get out alive.

He felt trapped yet he didn’t feel running away. Seunghyun could feel his own eyes were begging ‘stay’.

Feeling. Felt himself inched closer.

It was like he was watching himself from elsewhere. Under the warter.

Under the spell of what he was unconsciously freaked out and scared of yet would fucking go mad if he couldn’t feel it anymore, crawling under his skin, his flesh, his bones….to reach the deepest place in his heart.

Seunghyun shrived so hard his body shaking.

He gasped and his brain stung painfully trying to take back the control on his body when he saw his hand was reaching out.

Nothing could do.

And the fingertip of his thump touched that low lump lip.

Thunders. Electric-shock.

Skin met skin.

The blast of fire. The bust of air.

Eyes went wider. Pain noises were made.

Sucked in air hurt his lungs that Seunghyun hand to bend over yet when the other one took a step back with loaded emotions on his face and painful shocked noise on his lips, Seunghyun instinctively cut that distance again as his heart bumped achingly in his ribs demanding to be as close as possible.

Somewhere he heard himself make a begging noise.

‘Don’t go.’

He heard the man panted with short urgent breaths and Seunghyun wanted….

So much….

To suck those little panting in his own lung, to smooth those painful noises away, to lick into those open lips, to change those noises into different kind of noises, to own those eyes in his heart, to embrace that body in his arms, to just claim….

God blessed him.

He wanted too much that Seunghyun felt fear and anger crawled up from within him all at once.

Fear at how much and how fast he was falling out of love and into love in just a split second of eyes meeting eyes.

Anger because why? Why it had to be now? Why had to be this late?

Possessed with an unknown ghost in him, Seunghyun found himself struck  right into the guy’s personal space who inhaled sharply and body jolted in shock, eyes still glued into Seunghyun’s. He made a barely heard whimper when Seunghyun pressed his thump hard on his lip.

Seunghyun snarled and about to open his mouth when Chaerim called out.

“Seunghyun? Are you back already?”

The two guys jumped away from each other like fire. Eyes were unable to look away though.

Their breaths were still raging in confusion while their bodies were shaking with shock.

“Seunghyun?” Seunghyun heard his girlfriend’s voice was just behind him, “What happens?”

Seunghyun witnessed the guy in front of him, whose eyes went wider at the appearance of his lover, stumbled a step back before duck his head to hide his face.

“Hey.” Seunghyun felt a hand on his shoulder but his eyes couldn’t leave the figure in front of him, “What are y…? Oh. Who is this?” Seunghyun vaguely noticed his girlfriend moved pass him, “Are you Jiyong?”

The guy snapped his head up with shock expression, “Y…yes…” he stuttered and Seunghyun could tell like the day light that the guy, Jiyong , was trying very hard not to look at him.

“Oh my gosh! You are Jiyong! The infamous Jiyong that I have heard all the time!” Chaerim, who was oblivious to what was happening, walked right to the new arrival with enthusiasm, “Gosh! You are so cute! Why are you standing here!? Coming in! Yoon Ah is waiting for you inside!” and before the guy could made any respond she took him by the arm and pulled him inside.

“Seunghyun, you take their suitcases inside ok?” The girl cheerily said to her boyfriend, her excitement clouded her from his weird acting as when the guy passed by, Seunghyun stumbled away like he was afraid of touching that guy at all, their wide eyes exchanged for a second contained too many emotions at once-confusion, shock, fear, familiar (despite this was there first meeting), calmness, sadness, happiness, curiosity, desperation, caution, want, longing, and recognition.

Yes, Seunghyun knew that the guy knew that Seunghyun knew…..

Yes, they both knew….

It was just so fucking insane that it happened at all and right this fucking moment of their lives.

2 strangers.

2 guys.

And a love at a first sight.

They both knew they had found their other half.

Too late though.


They danced around each other….the way Seunghyun and Jiyong were since they met.

The first day, the first meeting, the first conversation left them wounded and they had prayed so hard that their girlfriends didn’t notice their strange attitude over each other.

At the meal, they made small talk if they had to and avoided to make eye contact as much as possible, if not at all, which was kind of impossible.

Seunghyun knocked his glass of water off the first time he saw the smaller man smiled. His heart fluttered, his head spun, his body heated with want and jealousy, and his hands wanted to touch so much that he gripped his hands hard while ducking down to clean the mess and just only when Chaerim cried out in shock that he noticed his hand was bleeding as he was gripping a broken glass in it.

The girls was fussed over him trying to stop the blood but all Seunghyun pay attention was the way the smaller man stood few feet away from him, hands clutching his chest, his face covered in agony like he was the one bled opened.

Seunghyun sucked in a breath when tears rolled down that young face and without a thought he tried to move to him which he couldn’t when Chaerim pulled him back and scowled him not to move as she tried to treat his wound and only with her voice, her face and the love that they had share for 2 years that glued Seunghyun to where he was.

That night, while helping their new flat mates move up to their rooms, Seunghyun bit his lip, gripped his injured hand to not do as much as at looking the new guy at all.

Not safe for what he might do because he was too confused and messed in the head right now to control himself. Just one sight of that guy or one eye contact, he didn’t think the presence of the girls could stop him from… from….

He needed time to sort his sanity out before he could face him again. 

That night, laying on his bed with arms around his girlfriend, all he could think of every time he closed his eyes was the other man’s face and body.

Seunghyun shuddered without feeling cold and stayed awake the rest of the night.


Jiyong was scared out of his mind that he closed himself of in their new bathroom for an hour, to calm down just a bit as his whole body and soul was stretching like a bow.

The meeting with Seunghyun- Jiyong tried to say that name on his lips and he immediately regretted right after when the sound of that name only made his body went wild and his head dizzied with want- had left him come undone.

He felt like the world around his was shifting with a madden speed that left him jetlagged. He felt like he was falling too fast, too hard that he wanted to cry and beg for all to stop, just stop so that he could at least breathe and feel his fingers.

No! the guy just had to go and bleed himself and this was the first time Jiyong had felt something for someone this much.

Jiyong was scared and freaked out at this own feeling.

He didn’t feel like he was himself anymore.

Jiyong never cried yet just a sight of that guy bleeding Jiyong only wanted to wrap him into his own body until the bleeding stop and then just hold the guy forever…yet all he could just stand there and stare.

It had hurt so bad that tears came out without his consciousness.

Not being close to that guy hurt so bad.

He had yearned to feel pain just once in his life and now he cursed at how stupid to want that.

The pain was nothing like he had imagined.

It was beyond and more that it left him shaking and breathless.

Just a look, just a second, just a name, just a guy and he felt all kind of love-pains in a punch that knocked him bleeding.

The pain of a love that could complete him yet he couldn’t have.

The pain of a love could be his anything and everything for the rest of his life yet he couldn’t even dare to touch.

The pain of a love that could show him the world and more yet it was out of reach.

The pain of a love that was all so right yet it was too wrong with the guilt crawling in his guts.

The pain of loving someone he could never have.

The pain of seeing his ‘the one’ in some else’s arms.

The pain of knowing that love was there but no way he could acknowledge it.

The pain of feeling like the love of his life was a sin.

The pain of feeling lost and of losing feelings that he always had thought was right.

The pain of knowing that he might hurt the ones he loved, might be the cause of broken hearts.

“Jiyong? Are you ok in there?” Jiyong jumped as his girlfriend voice came into his ears and tears rolled down again as guilt flooded into his.

“I’m ok. Few minutes more, baby.” Jiyong bit his lip to keep his voice steady.

“Take your time, baby. I’ll be with my sis.” She said excitedly, “We have so much to catch up!”

“You go on and have fun then.” Jiyong wrapped his arms around himself and tightened them as he tried to keep his sob out of his voice.

“You go ahead and sleep first ok? I think I will be late.” Yoon Ah said again and then she told him goodnight before walking away.

Just when he heard her footsteps faded away, Jiyong started to let his body shake.

He was never like this.

He could feel the world was changing, feel all of what he had believed in and been used to was changing, he could feel himself changing.

Jiyong buried his face into his hands and cursed the day he agreed to move back to Korea with his girlfriend.

Cursed the moment Choi Seunghyun appeared in front of him.

He cursed this very Thursday.


(no subject)

Bullshit fairytales and the tale of miracle coins (Sequent of Baby, Goodnight.) (Epilogue)

Author: 1kbig.

Genre: AU, Angst and Romatic

Rating: PG.

Disclaiming: Unfortunately, they are not mine because who would write fic if videos were so much better!

A/N: This took me a hell of time to finish and really, Trevi Fountain, wait for me ok!

Summary: what is the kind of untouched love, like literally untouched, and what if all you need is 2 pennies to find your true love…

YOU CAN FIND 'Baby, Goodnight' fic HERE: http://1kbig.livejournal.com/543.html


He must have looked at his phone for a very long time that when he lift his eyes up, the horizon was staring to change color already.

He sighed contently yet sad and tugged his phone back into his knee-length coat pocket and then his hand came back with a shiny coin.

He looked at the coin then the other on in his other hand and couldn’t stop a chuckle.

The legend had said that if you threw coins into the Trevi – with your back to the fountain, throwing the coin with your right hand over your left shoulder - one coin meant a return to Rome, a second coin leaded to a romance and a third coin leaded to marriage.

Yeah, ok…so 2 coins he went.

He closed his eyes, held the two coins in his right hand, he wished and then he threw them into the fountain over his left shoulder, and just sat there eye shut.

3 seconds before he chuckled at his silliness for being all nervous at all.

Then he opened his eyes.

And there before him was Choi Seunghyun, long gray coat, fashionable suite, slick handsome hair, and wide eyes that was staring right back at Jiyong.

Like the first time they had met, everything was stop.

Even the doves were flying seemed to froze at the moment.

It was only them.

Jiyong stumbled before he could run, his eyes never left the man running toward him, too scared that it was just his illusion.

They met haft way and only when he was lifted up and swung around like a bride in her wedding  that he finally believed that this was real.

The man, who was smiling and crying at the same time in front of him, was real.

The man, who was holding him with those strong arms in an iron grip, was real.

The man, who he was kissing desperately right now, was real.

As the world around them had never stopped, was just as real as Jiyong’s tears.

He wrapped his legs around the older man’s waist, arms around his neck so they could get as close as they could manage. He ragged his fingers through the styled hair, messed it all up while the arms around him tightened kept him steady, and kept him safe. Their tongues danced around each other like they had never been apart for two years.

Every touch, every breath, every sound and every kiss were so familiar like they had done this for their whole lives already.

Jiyong didn’t know how long they had kissed or care what a show they were displaying but when they broke for air, Jiyong’s hands were framing all over the older man’s face, still quite not believed they had actually met….two long heartless years and it took just two coins to…..God. If he had known better….

“Am I heavy? Do you need me to get down?” Jiyong asked absently as his thumbs brushed over those shiny kissed lips.

“Do you want to get down?” Seunghyun asked with the same far away tone as his eyes looked steady with Jiyong’s.

They stayed in silence before Jiyong wrapped his arms back around the taller man’s neck, buried his face into his neck and inhaled the familiar scent in, “No.” he said and knew he was acting like a five year old but he didn’t give a damn right now. He was not gonna let go anytime soon.

“God, yes.” Seunghyun said urgently as he planted his nose at the guy’s neck and took as much as scent into his lungs, “Now that I finally found you, I’m not gonna let go anytime soon. “ And then he moved carrying the smaller man over to the fountain side and sat down at the brick edge came out from the brick wall.

Jiyong knew it was embarrassing and weird to be carried like this as a growing adult and how heavy he was even though the older man was moving with an ease, but the thought of letting go just unbearable. He sighed contently and leaned all his weight on the older man when Seunghyun settled his back comfortable against the brick.

Just then that Jiyong started to sob, “I’m so sorry. I was so stupid, so idiotic, so crazy…” His words all messed up with hiccups, “I…I tho….thought I was giving y….you a chance. I thought I …I could live kn… knowing you we…were happy even though tha…that person was not me. I thought my heart cou…could handle losing you…but I just couldn’t s…so I ran as far as I could.” He was soaking the gray coat with his tears but the insisting warm palms on his back told him that it was ok, the wetness dampened his own shirt told him that it was alright, the moisture breath on his neck told him it was it, the heartbeats against his own told him that it was the end now, the painful chase of them.

Seunghyun didn’t say a thing while Jiyong was crying like a baby in his arms because for him, having this man in his arms again was enough, because he knew this time he would do it right, would try all the things to make it right this time.

Last time, when he had the chance to hold this body against him, it was just too overwhelming and too new for him and even for Jiyong that they screwed it up. This time he knew just what to do. This time he was ready.

This time they were ready.

They stayed wrapped up in each other like that until Jiyong’s tears dried and the light had brightened the area instead of the sun.

“You know?”Jiyong finally said, his voice light like what he was feeling right now.

“Hum?” Seunghyun rubbed his nose to his lover’s neck, inhaled and exhaled evenly, couldn’t be more content. He smiled broadly when Jiyong’s giggles vibrated through their touching chest.

“I always throw coins into every fountain I come across….” Jiyong could feel heat on his cheeks, “…and wish. How girly is that right?!?!”

Seunghyun chuckled adoringly, “Can’t be cuter.”

“Shut up!” Jiyong scowled and tugged a little hard at the older man’s hair, but then he smiled into his neck letting the man feel his it before he said, “So….You think it’s cute?”

“Hey!” Jiyong blushed harder and hit the older man’s head when he laughed out loud for real, “Stop laughing, dude!” He scowled which only made Seunghyun’s laughter got louder so Jiyong settled with grumbling, “Nothing’s funny, really.” he was so embarrassed that he was afraid the older man could actually smell his blush by now.

“What do you usually wish for?” Seunghyun asked after his laughter died down. One of his hand palmed flat all warm and secure on Jiyong’s lower back, while the other was rubbing comfortably up and down his back, and Jiyong had never felt safer in his entire life.

“Your happiness.” Jiyong whispered, “Always your happiness.”  And they felt into quietness letting the sounds of lively surrounding consume them.

“Jiyong.” Seunghyun eventually broke the silence, his voice was so soft like he was very careful not to break the world they were in. His loud heartbeats didn’t seem to have that same problem though.

Jiyong didn’t respond. He just closed his eyes and kept his breathing even. It was like decade had passed when slowly he opened his eyes then pushed himself away just enough so that he could look in to the older man’s eyes but near enough that their chests still connected.

Seunghyun smiled up at him and Jiyong knew that from now on until he died, this smile was the first thing he wanted to see when he woke up and the last thing before he went to sleep.

Everyday……. For the rest of his life.

And with what he saw in those handsome intense eyes, he knew he could have that if he wanted to. He knew this man would give him everything and anything he wanted….even his life. He knew this man, who had thrown everything he had to just chase after Jiyong for two years and would do it the rest of his life doing that if he had to, was offering Jiyong everything he had.

His heart, his soul. His everything.

And Jiyong couldn’t ask for more because all he ever wanted was just all what this man willed to give him. All along, all Jiyong had wanted was just a piece of this man’s heart and attention even though if that piece was just a bean in a big pot. All along, what Jiyong had always actually wanted was this man could have all the happiness in this world.

Jiyong smiled back like he couldn’t help but, before he closed his eyes, leaned down and rubbed their noses together while speaking, “but just now, when I threw my coins in this fountain, the first time ever I didn’t wish you happiness.”

“What did you wish?” Jiyong felt breath brushed his lips as the older man spoke. Their voices were still so whispering and private.

Jiyong cast his fingers through the well-styled hair before he opened his eyes, stared steadily into those black eyes, “I wish us happiness.”

Seunghyun’s smile couldn’t get bigger and it brightened Jiyong’s whole world like the sun even could never.

“So?” Seunghyun’s eyes were shining like those stars above their heads reflexing on the fountain water or  maybe it was just hundreds of coins were doing their magic.

“I’m your happiness.” It came out of Jiyong’s mouth not a question, not a statement but a promise. An offer, that Jiyong had always been dreaming whenever he thought about his wedding.

“Damn right!” Seunghyun cockily said before laid a very loud and not private at all kiss upon Jiyong’s lips, “That’s needed to be written on the law of nature or something!”

“Stupid you.” Jiyong laughed out loud and shifted closer when the older man tightened his arms around him.

“Only for you.” Seunghyun grinned seductively which made Jiyong rolled his eyes his blush betrayed him otherwise.

Seunghyun kissed him loud and wet on his cheek and Jiyong had to bit his lips to keep his shit-eating grin at bay.

“You are seriously too adorable.” Seunghyun’s voice was low as he whispered and his hands gripped Jiyong’s slim waist suggested how ‘adore’ Seunghyun to Jiyong.

“Hey!” Jiyong narrowed his eyes at him, “We are in public, ok! And I don’t put up on the first date. Dude, we haven’t even dated yet!” his blush and the way he melted against the older man said otherwise though. Really, what he wouldn’t give this guy.

“Who cares! I’m seducing my boyfriend!” Seunghyun said with wide eyes.

“Boyfriend?” Jiyong blinked and as that word reached his ear, warmth leaped to the deepest part within him that made his heart swelled so big it hurt and his face broke into a silly smile which only appeared on people who were deep in love.

Jiyong coughed and composed himself when he caught the smirk on his boyfriend’s face…

His boyfriend.

“Boyfriend.” Jiyong said loudly then he paused a second before blushed hotly, hid his face into the older man’s neck again and giggled, “Oh gosh! This is embarrassing!”

Seunghyun smiled so big and so much that his jaw started to hurt yet he couldn’t stop. This man was his everything and now that he actually had him as his boyfriend, really, what not to smile!?!?

“You don’t like it?” Seunghyun asked teasingly, “I can stop calling you that if you want.”

“Don’t you dare!” Jyong snapped his head and scowled his boyfriend….boyfriend….

“Boyfriend.” And just like that he giggled again.

“You like it that much?” Seunghyun chuckled and kissed his boyfriend’s lips.

Jiyong coughed and tried to take down his stupid giggle but then he gave up and just beamed at his boyfriend, “Yes!” then he pecked his boyfriend loudly. Seriously, he didn’t know that having boyfriend like this was best thing ever!

“But you can only call me that ok?” Seunghyun suddenly said like he had just read Jiyong’s mind and the latter didn’t even surprise because, of course, he had.

“Why?” Jiyong blinked innocently, “I just discover the fun of being gay why do I….”

“I love you.”

And Jiyong just stared at his boyfriend.

“You play dirty.” He smiled as he rested his forehead against his boyfriend’s.

“You didn’t let me tell you that the last time you ran away so I’m not gonna let this chance go again.” Seunghyun kissed the smaller man’s chin and tightened his arms to make his point.

“I’m not going anywhere that you are not. Never again.” Jiyong tightened his own arms around the older man’s neck.

“I know.” Seunghyun said, no trace of doubt.

“And if it’s not obvious enough.” Jiyong traced his boyfriend’s cheek with his thumb, “I love you too.”

Seunghyun took his boyfriend’s left hand to his mouth and …..bit on the guy’s ring-finger until it would leave bruise for sure, eyes didn’t leave the guy’s face, which was spotting no trace of uncomfortable or hurt, it was only trust and love.

He licked at the angry red ring before kissed it, Seunghyun said, “I know.”

He knew this mark would fade in a few days but he had the rest of his life to remark it again and again and again…..or replace it with the ring he had bought a year ago when he was thinking about this man in front of him. Breathtaking beautiful and mesmerizing enchanting.

Looking at the swollen mark, tears rolled dwon his face yet everyone in this world would wish to have this look of his right now. So happy, so content and so in love.

“Yes.” Jiyong whispered, answered the silent question before leaned down to kiss Seunghyun under the witness of Trevi Fountain.

Among hundreds of shining coins, there were 2 coins that shined the most as they were witnessing their miracle occurred.


(no subject)

Bullshit fairytales and the tale of miracle coins (Sequent of Baby, Goodnight.) (Part 7)

Author: 1kbig.

Genre: AU, Angst and Romatic

Rating: PG.

Disclaiming: Unfortunately, they are not mine because who would write fic if videos were so much better!

A/N: This took me a hell of time to finish and really, Trevi Fountain, wait for me ok!

Summary: what is the kind of untouched love, like literally untouched, and what if all you need is 2 pennies to find your true love…

Part 7

‘Seunghyun, I give you a chance to choose.’

Was all Seunghyun had found when he got home, screamed jiyong name at the top of his lungs and stormed up the stairs to Jiyong’s house.

Greeted him was a closing door with a yellow post-it on it, of course, Seunghyun didn’t need to open the door to know Kwon JIyong had left.



Two years later.

It was a very fine day indeed. Jiyong thought as he looked up at the cloudless sky. It was a waste if staying home on a day like this so he had been wondering alone since morning until now.

Stopping at the fountain and watching tourists come here to throw coins into the fountain, was quite fascinating to Jiyong. He had tried throwing one in there about a year ago and here he was again, so maybe the rumor about the wishes were real.

But then again, Rome was just too tempting to not come again, and as a designer as Jiyong, Trevi Fountain was just too marvelous to pass.

He came here almost everyday this time around for a week since he had arrived. He came to draw, to find inspiration or sometimes just to watch people like today.

This historical place had a magic on him like no other places he had been to over the years, it calmed him down and made him felt as home the most. Sometimes he almost believed that it was calling him just so he could laugh at his silliness afterward.

It was his phone that pulled him out of his wondering thought.

Looking at the strange number on his phone, Jiyong fowned and noticed that it was from US.

He pressed answered before put in at his ear, “Hello?”


Just like that Jiyong’s heart stopped beating because it couldn’t be….

“Yoon Ah?” he asked breathless.

“Oh God! It’s really you!” Yoon Ah replied in awe and the smile in her voice made Jiyong smiled as well despite of his self-shock.

“Gosh! I have tried to contact you for so long, you idiot!” She scowled, “Which well have you buried yourself in?”

Jiyong laughed at the familiar way she had always talked to him, and they just laughed at each other when emotions were just too much to speak right now.

“Oh God, I miss you so much.” Jiyong confessed heartedly after they had calmed down and the line became silent.

“Me too. I  miss you.” Her voice was so soft and genuine that Jiyong almost cried.

They let silence washed over them and just listen to each other familiar breathing.

“How are you?” Jiyong asked tried not to be awkward.

“I’m fine. I came back US week ago. I studied in Korea for a year and then another year just because I could.” She laughed which made Jiyong did the same and then the laughter faded into silence again.

“So….you tried to contact me.” Jiyong broke the silence yet again.

“Yes, I did. I told you so didn’t I?” She chuckled.


“Thank you, Yoon Ah.” Jiyong uttered as a tear escaped his eyes before he could wipe it, “Thank you so much.”

He could hear a shaking inhale at the other end before Yoon Ah could speak again, her voice was trembling but it was just emotions….forgiving and loving emotions.

“It’s nothing, Jiyong. It has been two years now.” She said gently, “And you know my sis has moved on with her own wedding so I better do too and I will never really move on if I don’t forgive you.”

Jiyong closed his eyes at the bang of pain in his chest when he heard the new. Yeah, of course, THEY have moved on with their wedding, he thought and tears were threatening to bust out any second now. It was all strength in Jiyong’s thin fame that he didn’t break right there and then.

“Yeah.” He said and felt lucky that it was too short for Yoon Ah to catch anything. He should keep his selfish and misery to himself this time.

Silence filled in again and this time Yoon Ah was the one who broke the ice.

“So….you know, um, how is Seunghyun?” She chuckled, “Really, disappearing like that together, you guys gave your parents quite a heart attract, dude.”


Jiyong’s heart was beating three times faster than it should because, wait…what?!?

“Wait, Yoon Ah.” Jiyong spoke and his voice sound so hoarse in his ears, “Why do you ask me about Seunghyun?”

“Why?” Yoon Ah now sounded confused herself too, “Because you and he are together of course! What kind of question is that!”

Jiyong took a deep breath that his lungs hurt because the memories of two years ago were just too painful before let it out and talk, ”No, Yoon Ah. He is NOT with me. Two years ago, when I left, I left ALONE.”

“Of course I know that!” Yoon Ah said like he was stupidly talking nonsense here, “That was why he came to me the day later to ask where you were going. Despite all the hitting and insults form me, which now think back I am not proud at all at myself but you know, at that moment….”

“Yoon Ah, Yoon Ah.” Jiyong impatiently called out.


“Did you tell him where I was going?” Jiyong was feeling adrenalin rushing every ceil of his body.

“I hated you two so much but looking at him that time…I just couldn’t deny him at all.” Yoon Ah said dreamily, “Gosh, I wish there is a man love me just as much he loves you, you know. I used to think true love is just bullshit.”

Oh God. Oh My God.

Jiyong felt tears rolling down his face now, “Where….where did you tell him to go?”

“New York, of course.” Yoon Ah sounded confused again, “Wasn’t it the place you had told me you would go back to? I even saw your ticket.”


“Oh My God.” Yoon Ah uttered, “You….You didn’t go back there.”

“Yes.” Was all Jiyong could manage.

“Where have you been back then?” Her voice was a pitch higher now.


“Shit!” She sounded so dumbstruck, “Holly crap! So you are not….”

“Yes, I’m not with him now and so was I two years ago.” Jiyong breathed in and out slowly so that he could calm himself down. It was like a cheesy comedy flick, really. Just that when it was reality and you were a part of it, it was not that funny at all.

 “Oh God, I’m so sorry.” And she sounded so genuine that Jiyong smiled.

“It’s ok, dear.” He cleared his tears, “So….you said he disappeared himself too?”

“Yes. His parents were very worried but then he sent postcards from London,  Africa, Mexico, France, Italia and many more that all said that he was fine so…”

“Wait.” Jiyong’s breath caught in his throat, “You mean…”

“Yes! Yongbae got all your postcards from the exact same places where he had sent his so I had thought you two…..I never checked the timing to find out whether you guys were there at the same time or not, you know……. Wait. Oh God! It…Wow! Yongbae had told me about a guy keep asking about your whereabouts, it must be him then!”

The dried tears were trying to run down again as Jiyong was thinking how…

“Dear Lord! It’s like he was chasing you around the world all the time!” Yoon Ah sounded like she was about to cry herself, “You only sent Yongbae the postcards telling which countries and cities you were in, never a specific address or places so he was chasing you without a course and yet….God, two years….oh, Jiyong.”

Jiyong was crying again and without seeing, Jiyong could tell Yoon Ah was crying with him on the other end. They let the present of each other comforted the pain. Just being there for each other like they had once used to be.

“Can….” Jiyong tried to compose himself because if Seunghyun had chased him for two years then maybe this was the time he was the one who chased after him, “….can we find him? He has contacted Yongbae right? So if I asked Yongbae the number I can find him right?” Jiyong’s chest was full of hope now yet with each question came out all he got was silence from the other end, Jiyong could sense something was not right, “Yoon Ah?” He asked confused.

“Jiyong. I….” Jiyong could almost see she was biting her lip trying to find the right words, she sighed like giving up before spoke softly, “He had always used payphone to contact Yongbae and….he had stopped contacting him more than six months ago….I’m so sorry.”

A thought of Seunghyun had given up on him made Jiyong heart fell to pieces….again.

Jiyong felt ok though. His heart had shattered two years ago when he left Korea so if broken a little more, nothing changed really. Picking up pieces of his heart and glued them halfheartedly back, was all Jiyong had done since then anyway. It was not that hard when you had gotten used to it.

“It…it’s ok.” Jiyong smiled at the wholehearted concern from his ex-girlfriend who he had hurt badly yet she was here comforting him like he had never broken her heart. And then there was a cray cray dude who was somewhere out there trying to reach him, who loved him even more anything, who Jiyong was sure that would never give up on him. Jiyong felt graceful for being such lucky bastard, really.

He took a deep breath before saying cheerfully, “This is my turn to chase him then. I’m sure I’ll do a better job than him.”

There was a halt of silence before Yoon Ah laughed out loud, “Yeah, you are damn right. This world is round and he still can’t catch your ass, he is sure doing a shitty job.”

“Thank you so much.” Jiyong said while his fingers were playing with a coin, “Thanks for forgiving me, for calling me, for being here with me and thanks for still treating me like someone who can be in your life.”

“Silly, of course, you are gonna be in my life.” Yoon Ah’s voice turned soft yet again, “Even when I hated you the most, the thought of you being out of my fabulous life has never existed. Before we were in relationship, we are friends and that will never change.”

Jiyong’s chest was swelling with happiness and gratitude now and he couldn’t say anything but, “Thank you.”

“Nah, stop saying that, man.” Yoon Ah huffed embarrassingly, “So where are you right now? North Pole?”

Jiyong laughed out loud, “Please no. I would be an ice stick then. Maybe next time when I already find him. I’m in Rome.”

“Oh? Trying to learn how to be a gentleman?” Yoon Ah sneered without a heat.

“Hey! I’m a gentleman alright!” Jiyong tried to sound offended.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Yoon Ah’s grin was evident in her voice, “Forget about North Pole. Visit me when you two finally collide, ok? I want to give my blessing personally.”

Jiyong couldn’t love her more than he did now, “Of course, baby girl. When I have him in my palm, you are the first one we come to give our officially apology and thanks.”

“You better.” She giggled and Jiyong yet again felt so graceful toward her when she didn’t deny their apology, “Take care ok?”

“You too. Give my greeting and tanks to Yongbae, will you?” Jiyong already missed her voice. God, how he missed her dearly.

“Sure. You should call us often though.” Yoon Ah said, “Bye, Jiyong.”

“Bye, baby girl.” And like that she hung up.


(no subject)

Bullshit fairytales and the tale of miracle coins (Sequent of Baby, Goodnight.) (Part 5)

Author: 1kbig.

Genre: AU, Angst and Romatic

Rating: PG.

Disclaiming: Unfortunately, they are not mine because who would write fic if videos were so much better!

A/N: This took me a hell of time to finish and really, Trevi Fountain, wait for me ok!

Summary: what is the kind of untouched love, like literally untouched, and what if all you need is 2 pennies to find your true love…

Part 5

Seunghyun got a reservation at the pool bar on top of Grand Hotel with a thousand roses and candles. It cost him a fortune but it was worth every penny and dime when she cried in his arms.

This beautiful woman who had loved him with all her heart, who had satisfied so much for him, who had sworn forever be by his side no matter what, who had shared up and low time with him, who still had a part in his heart, the part that disgusted, disappointed, hurt and still loved her dearly.

His heart pained just the same at her fragile body and loving eyes. She had looked so scared and tiny when she came to meet him like she had somehow prepared herself for an ending. Seunghyun wanted to hurt himself so bad with every inch of uncertainty and doubt he had planned in her.

The moment he held her tightly against his body, he promised to himself that he would love and treasure her as much as he could. He didn’t lie that he would love her like before because even the silent lies were loud like screams in his head and soul so he just couldn’t. However, protecting and staying by her side forever to repay all the sins he had done.

His heart cried and bled inside but his mind had made and there was nothing could change his mind now.

Not even Kwon Jiyong.


(A/N: this is the part happens in Baby, Goodnight. I took out some unfit details so the flow of the fic didn't feel too forced.)

The night they had their anniversary, Seunghyun had completely forgotten about his own problem. He could feel what they had before was coming back.

That night, he was completely her with every ounce of love in his heart.

Then Jiyong came.

Like every Thursday.

And that fire had been buried exploded without an effort and burned everything Seunghyun had tried and planned to ashes.

With every evidence Jiyong pointed out  laid on the dinner table that Seunghyun and his fiancée had just shared, Seunghyun crumbled under desperation and understanding that even though he had tried and had completely forgotten about Kwon Jiyong just for a moment, his heart would never completely forget him even a second because all the fruits, food and even the wine he had prepared, were all Jiyong’s favorites.

Regardless, all the determination he had hammed into himself, Seunghyun couldn’t help begging for the guy to stay, a silent plead to be his. It was like even though you knew it was definitely impossible to yet you couldn’t help hoping because you longed for it with your all identity. Seunghyun had hoped and the moment the guy turned and walked away it felt like he had walked out of Seunghyun’s life, and half of him died right there in his living room.

Seunghyun didn’t cry because inside him, there was a void that sucked every tear and emotion in its bottomless black hole.

He didn’t feel pain neither relief.

He could pretend that he relieved because now it was finally over….

Finally, he could give up.


They acted like normal. Tense and distant.

Everything was every much the same….

Apart from Seunghyun’s phone buzzed silently in his hand, which pressed at his chest, all night on the next Thursday.

In the end of the night, he got 13 missed calls and 36 messages and voice mails.

All from Jiyong.

Laying wide awake on his own bed, he stared hollowly at his ceiling willed his mind and heart to feel the emptiness in him so that his mind could feel blank like his soul.

This was the first time since they met, Seunghyun stayed in his own bed on Thursday.

He felt numb with each buzz he felt on his left chest, like it kept his heart beating but as the same time weighted him down with an invisible mercy, which was good, really, because numb meant he couldn’t move….didn’t have to move.

Because if he could he would run to him by now, would throw away everything he had to just have him, would beg to just be by his side, would do anything to just….


Where are you?


Are you busy? Will you be late?


Are…are you coming?


So…you are not coming?.............Wh….Why?


Come down, please, Seunghyun, we need to talk.


Seunghyun, I want to meet you. Meet me, please.


Fuck you! You think you can run away! You think you can just forget! Ok! Try then! I will be here and see how good can you go without me! You fucking coward!


I can’t, Seunghyun…..I…I have tried bu…but I just can’t. I try to push you out of my mind, I try to forget you, I  try to just one second stop thinking about you, Seunghyun….but I just can’t…..I ….I need you…please, come to me….


Did you already forget me? Were you  capable of that? I guess you were….it….it is maybe better off that way, isn’t it? Will you be happy forgetting me? I bet you will…..she’s beautiful… you two are beautiful together… I wish you happy. I really am…I…


This is not ri….right, Seunghyun. You know this is not right! I can’t be happy without you! I know you feel the same way so please! I beg you! Come to me! I…I lov….

And Seunghyun fumbled to delete all every single trace about Jiyong on his phone even his number before turned off the phone.

He had decided and this time he would not turn back.

So when he heard soft noises outside of his door that only listening closely could hear, which sounded like sobs, he closed his eyes and let the miserable and loud beats of his heart downed out those little noise.

Seunghyun closed his eyes and forced a sleep that would never come. He only opened his eyes when he heard those noises no more and he didn’t need a clock to know it was dawn already.

He yanked himself off his bed not bothering to be gentle, damn guilt, he was in no condition and mood for it.

He took his time in the bathroom, to shower, to think and to prepare himself what he would face later at the breakfast table. He could excuse himself to leave early without seeing the guy, of course, but….. maybe just seeing him wouldn’t do him any harm when he was able to stop himself meeting him last night.

Just a gleam of him wouldn’t have a scratch on his determination for sure…

Thus when his heart throbbed at the news that Jiyong wouldn’t come down because he was sick, he turned it to anger instead. Anger was easier to deal than disappointment.

“What happens?” He heard Chaerim asked when he put another tasteless spoon of rice in his mouth, “Did he get a cold?”

“I…I don’t know.” Seunghyun looked up when a tint of confusion laced in Yoon ah’s voice, “He looks all exhausted and miserable and …..” She huffed worriedly, “His eyes were swollen and red with bloodshot like….like he had cried all night.”

Seunghyun gulped down the food and felt like he was eating sands instead.

“Cried all night?” Chaerim blinked, concern and curious, “Why?”

“I….” Seunghyun hurriedly put his spoon down and clumsily gathered his things, “I need to go now.” Then added awkwardly, “Don’t want to be late you know.”

“Oh.” The two girls looked at him with surprise but didn’t ask any further.

“Drive safe.” Chaerim said softly and if Seunghyun caught something else there, he ignored it. He kissed her on the lips, mumbled a goodbye to two of them before hurried out of the house.

The moment the door closed, he slumped at it and just tried to catch his breath.

On the way to work, he tried like hell to push the image of Jiyong out of his mind and busied with the thought of driving his fiancée to bridal shop later at the weekends and more meeting with their families for the preparation.


Seunghyun swung himself like an overage machine. He worked and worked and the other times he occupied himself with his wedding plans which had loosened his fiancée since then. She had no longer look at him with restless uneasiness like she had no longer known him. He knew he was not looking at his best with thinner fame, hollow face and dark circle eyes, he was very least himself that even his family started notice but he could careless right now. He just needed to be busy so he could forget.

He actually was doing good with pushing the other guy out of his mind because the last time he had accidently heard the conversation between the sister, the guy’s name had come up and he had stopped just a moment to catch the sobs in younger girl’s voice before dashed away without listening any further. Kwon Jiyong was his concern no more.

Therefore he stayed at his parents’ house the last Thursday with his phone off even before anyone got into bed. He and his fiancée started to spend time there and her house more than at home now. They wanted to get closer to them before the wedding and moving out for good. It just seemed the right thing to do for Korean.

With them and the wedding just around the conner, Seunghyun totally had ease with his mind now. 3 more weeks and he would be married. Grounded and safe.

Things went just as Seunghyun had planned…. Except, when Seunghyun was on his sofa of his parents’ house cup of tea on his hand with Chaerin snugged into his side contently while his parents watched them with adoration and his own sister was flipping through channels on TV, and Chaerim had looked up at him and said, “Oh, I have something to tell you.”

He hummed absently at her as he sipped at his tea.

“Yoon Ah’s boyfriend is leaving tomorrow. What a pity right? I have tried to convince him….”

The sound of something clashed to the floor made her stop talking and jump. She looked at the broken cup on the floor feeling familiar fear creep up in her chest again before she slowly looked up at his fiancé who seconds ago had still been holding that cup.

The look on his face made she pushed herself away from him with a choking sound.

Seunghyun heard his parents and sister were talking but he couldn’t make the words out.

“What…What did you just say?” Seunghyun was breathless, he couldn’t breathe at all. He looked at her with unfocused eyes and tears rolling down her face was all he got.

Seunghyun was on his feet and out of the house before he could think.

Had never left his mind.

Had always been in Seunghyun heart.

Kwon Jiyong was the only thing in this world Seunghyun never willed to lose.


(no subject)

Bullshit fairytales and the tale of miracle coins (Sequent of Baby, Goodnight.) (Part 6)

Author: 1kbig.

Genre: AU, Angst and Romatic

Rating: PG.

Disclaiming: Unfortunately, they are not mine because who would write fic if videos were so much better!

A/N: This took me a hell of time to finish and really, Trevi Fountain, wait for me ok!

Summary: what is the kind of untouched love, like literally untouched, and what if all you need is 2 pennies to find your true love…

Part 6

Seunghyun busted the door open with his full force, his eyes wiped the house wildly while his brain kept chanting ‘Jiyong, Jiyong’ like a maniac.

And there he was, emerged from the kitchen with huge eyes which quickly flashed with loaded of emotions one they spotted Seunghyun.

Five long strikes and the older man was in the other man’s personal’s space, not quite touching at all, but near enough that they could feel each other body heat. Their rule about safe distance but got burned like that.

“You are leaving.” Seunghyun hissed and he damned if it came out accused.

The younger man only looked up at him in silence. It was like decade before he turned around and walked back into the kitchen. Just then Seunghyun noticed how thin the guy was, much thinner than the first time they met. He had always noticed every single thing about Jiyong.

 “Yes.” The younger man finally said as he busied himself with the coffee machine, his back to the older man.

“Why?” Seunghyun pressed, stepped closer like, now, his body had known the heat of the other man’s body, it got addicted, “Why are you leaving?”

“What’s good to stay?” Jiyong said and inched away from the taller man. He was all calm outside but inside he was a rage of nerves. Griping his hand hard so his nails could dig into his flesh painfully to remind himself stay away from the other man because he knew just one touch, even just a fingertip, he would be down on his knees begging the other man to take him, to leave his fiancée and Jiyong would do anything, ANYTHING at all.

“This is for the best.” He sit down at the table, put a good distance between them which the older man didn’t seem to notice his effort at all as he took the chair next to Jiyong’s and sit down, face hardened with demand. Jiyong sighed at that look. This was not going to end anytime soon.

“What do you mean for the best?” Seunghyun spat out, his voice was getting louder and louder, as his heart raged with fear……fear of losing.

Jiyong stood up, walked out to the livingroom trying to put distance yet again. He could tell the older man was trailing behind without looking.

“You have been avoiding me for 2 weeks now, isn’t it your way to tell me to fuck off?” Jiyong’s tone suddenly turned sarcastic and angry.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Seunghyun snapped back, frustrated, “I’m marrying soon! What can I do?!!?”

“Then what the fuck are you doing here!” Jiyong gritted his teeth with anger as he turned abruptly to face the older man, not giving a damn about their distance anymore, “Go and marry that girl! I’m not gonna stay and watch that happen! That’s all!”

“You…” Seunghyun was fuming but Jiyong didn’t let him speak.

“Seriously, Seunghyun, I know I have begged you two weeks ago. Threw all my pride away begging you to come but you fucking stamped on it! I have never begged anyone yet I did it just to see you and you fucking ignored it! You fucking stepped on my heart! And now you have the nerve to ask me to stay and watch you be happy with some else?!?! How much more do you want to destroy it?!?!” Jiyong was shouting now, “I begged you once and no more!”

“You were the one who rejected me!” Seunghyun shouted back, “You think you were the only one who has begged! I have begged you so many times and don’t you fucking deny that now! I have begged you to be mine! I reached out and if you had just taken my hand, I could have be yours forever! I have been so ready to throw away everything that I had to just have you but you fucking walked away! You were the one fucking destroy my heart first!”

And then they stood there panting and glaring at each other in rage.

They didn’t know how it happened or who was the one acted first but it was like the ocean waves had collided with the shore…. It was right…. It was meant to be.

They kissed, bit, tasted, and breathed each other in.

It was painful, awkward angles, all teeth and saliva. It was a battle of domination. It was all hard and rough grips, soft and gentle caresses, the effort to push away yet desperation to pull as close as possible, and intertwist of limps and emotions.

It was everything that they could ever want and need.

Seunghyun pushed, angry and desperate, and Jiyong pushed back just as much. It was violent yet it was just because they couldn’t get enough, like they wished that if they pushed harder at each other, they would somehow blend into one.

Never leave. Never separate.

The touches and emotions, they exploded like a volcano, heating, burning, and consuming everything as whole like their hands was trying to reach and touch every inch on each other’s body.

Couldn’t get enough.

They tumbled on the sofa. They hissed as their lips collided and the tint of metallic taste busted between their tongues.

“Oh….Oh God….Seunghyun.” Jiyong panted as they broke for air. He moaned louder as the older man pressed him into the stiff surface of the sofa and bit hard on his flesh where the neck met the shoulder. He hissed angrily and painfully when the bite became too painful that would draw blood. He gripped the older man’s hair and pulled as merciful as he could.

“Fuck you.” Seunghyun grunted furiously at the sting before dove in for another biting kiss. He took the smaller man’s hair into his own grip so he could pull and tip the guy’s face up, deepened the kiss the way he wanted to. He grinded their body together harder, sucked another moan into his throat as he fumbled his other hand with the loose shirt to get to the skin underneath it, ignored the grip on his hair was tightening sharply.

Jiyong’s body shook violently when hand finally touch his bare skin. It ran furiously up and down his side. He ached for it, moan for it, and surrendered for it. He opened his mouth as wide as he could so tongue could lick into it as deep as possible. He never knew he could ever ache for something this bad.

Never wanted something….someone this bad.

It left him hurt, dizzy and painfully hard.

As like he could read what the other man was thinking, Seunghyun broke their kiss again so he could pant into the other man’s mouth, “Yes….. Me too, baby….. Me too.”

Jiyong made a demanding noise in his throat, hand tugged carelessly on Seunghyun’s hair and as gravity pull, Seunghyun sealed their lips together again. Their lips were numb by now but the dam had broken, nothing could stop them now. Nothing…..

“Oh my God!”

Like the first time they had laid their eyes on each other, everything seemed to come to halt. Not even breathing.

And just then the two men heard sobs.

Painful slow, Seunghyun separated their mouths and it was like it was a stab into Jiyong’s consciousness. His body shook violently as panic consumed him when he knew what was happening. It was a cue for Seunghyun to snap his eyes open and look at the man in front of him. Really looking.

“Shh.” Seunghyun cooed softly, his hands came up to cup the smaller man’s face, using his thumbs to tug the bleeding lower lip out of gritting teeth, “It’s ok, baby. I promise everything is gonna be ok.” He whispered against the bruised lip before dipping in and licking the blood away, “I’m here and I’m yours, baby.” He heard the sobs got louder mixed with a painful chocking sound yet he could careless when the man beneath him was still strained like a bow, his attention was fully on it.

“I’m not leaving and I’m not letting you go. Ever. You have me forever.”, he smiled when he felt the body under him relaxed even though those beautiful eyes still tightly shut, “And yes, baby. You are mine, forever.” He leaned down to kiss to seal his vows into those lips.

Yes, he was not a romantic freak and had never believe in the bullshit of fairytales yet when those eyes opened after he pulled his lips away, he just couldn’t stop himself believe in the kiss of true love and happy forever after.

He smiled and the tentative smile he got back was the last puzzle he needed.

“Come with me.” It was not a question because Seunghyun knew Jiyong would go wherever he leaded them to. The easy nod confirmed that.

He pushed himself up on his feet then pulled the smaller man against him. They looked at each other, silently understood with just eye-contact.

They laced their fingers together in a tight hold before they turned to look the real world around them.

Yoon Ah was at the foot of the stair, she was slumping at the floor looking at them with dull tearful eyes. She was sobbing loudly but seeming she didn’t even know it herself.

At the hallway, there stood Chaerim, she was pale like the white shirt she was wearing. She didn’t cry and she didn’t look like she was feeling anything right now yet she was looking at them with such a fire that could burn them in Hell.

Took a deep breath, Seunghyun started walking to the door pulling Jiyong with him by the hand. He stopped when he was in the equal distance with the two women.

“I’m so sorry.” He bowed down in perfect 90 degree bow as he spoke. Jiyong looked at him with surprise before doing the same with his own apology.

“I’m sorry I do this.” Seunghyun continued in his position, “I know I deserve to go to Hell but I can’t continue walking this path anymore because if I let this drags on I will not even deserve to be in Hell. Just….just please don’t put grudge on Jiyong…”

“Seunghyun.” Jiyong uttered and looked at the older man with shock.

Seunghyun ignored it though, “…This is all my doing. This is all my sins. Please, put it all on me. I will pay it all. If this life I can’t…I will pay it in my next lifetime or as long as it takes so please, please put all of this on me….and then be happy. Please be happy. You two deserve so much more than this.” He lowed himself even lower, “Sorry”, and kept that pose for several seconds before stood up and pulled the smaller man behind him.

Jiyong cast a look at Yoon Ah but the sight was just painful that he had to look away, he mumbled a hearable ‘Sorry’ before letting Seunghyun pulled him out of the house.


They held hand when they left the house until they got into the car, didn’t let go when they drove to the hotel and even when the reception threw a look on their way, Seunghyun didn’t let Jiyong’s hand go as he pulled him into the elevator.

Behind the door of their hotel room, Seunghyun yanked his hand away like it burned before he punched his fist into the wall and silently crying, silently screaming.

He didn’t know how long it had been but only when he was pinned down on the floor with a force Seunghyun then gained back his consciousness.

“Shh. It’s ok, baby.” He heard someone whispered in his ear, a familiar soothing voice, “It’s ok. Everything is gonna be alright.”

And Seunghyun cried harder until he couldn’t anymore. His knuckles were all numb.

It was exhausting, crying his eyes out. He could feel he was being helped moving around, being treated with his injures, being taken care of for the first time since he was eighteen moving out on his own, and being tugged on bed. He couldn’t focus though through the process. Not until the familiar warmth pressed against his side. He instinctively wrapped his arms around the smaller fame, buried his face into Jiyong’s hair and inhaled the calming scent in.

He started crying again but he was much calmer now.

“I’m so sorry.” He heard Jiyong mumbled into his chest and he tightened his hold.

“No. This is my fault.” Seunghyun wetly whispered into the smaller man’s hair.

“Shhh. This is no one fault, baby.” Jiyong said soothingly as he cast his hand into the taller man’s and massaged it gently, “We can’t choose he we love, you know.”

“I hurt them still.” Seunghyun wanted to believe in what Jiyong had told him but the memories of how hurt his fiancée and her sister were, had burned permanently into his brain which would haunt him from now on, “I have promised her happiness and forever and now….I’m the worst, Jiyong. I have loved her and wanted to protect her for the rest of my life, I made her believed in it too and then I just blew it on her face like an asshole.” He sobbed, the caresses grounded him yet the guilt continued punched him left and right.

Jiyong didn’t say a word. He just pressed himself harder into the taller man, holding tighter like afraid that he could disappear or leave him anytime soon, “You are not, Seunghyun. You don’t choose this.” He softly comforted.

“Wrong!” Seunghyun pushed himself away from the embrace, used his arm to cover his eyes as tears continued streamed down his face, and so he couldn’t see the shock and hurt on the smaller man’s face, “I had choices and I chose to hurt her! Less than a month is our wedding and here I ran away with you, left her with all the mess I have created. How selfish and cruel I am!” Seunghyun’s words just came out like his tears, couldn’t stop at all, “When I asked her to marry me, I gave her a choice and just after she had said yes and the wedding was just there, I gave her no choice in ending this between us! I didn’t even give her a chance!” he said bitterly.


Seunghyun stopped his rant when he heard Jiyong called out and his voice was so broken that Seunghyun immediately turned to look at him.

“Oh God.” Seunghyun winced as the look on the smaller man physically hurt him, “No, baby, no.” He scooped closer to him and wrapped him into a tight assuring hug, “Please don’t cry. You know I don’t mean it right? You know this is just guilt talking out of me right?” Seunghyun cursed mentally when he didn’t get any respond from the man in his arms.

Therefore, he pulled away just a bit and titled the guy’s face up by his chin, “Baby.” He whined when the guy couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Baby, look at me please.” Seunghyun pleaded but the guy only cast a quick glance at him before dash his eyes away again, his face was painted with hurt.

“Jiyong, please, look at me.” Seunghyun determined took the guy’s face in his palm and cut the distance between their faces until their foreheads pressed against each other, and only then those eyes met him.

“You have to believe me, Jiyong, when I say now that no matter what happen; you will always be the one I choose.” He spoke firmly as he held their eye-contact, “You have to believe me that I have guilt over Chaerim but I will never trace you for anything. I will never regret when I choose you even I have to choose over and over again.” Seunghyun smiled when those eyes started to softened and the hurt faded its edge on those beautiful lips.

“I never believe in true love or fated love or other romance tales but ever since I have met you, you have opened so many doors around me and let me see how wrong I was.” Seunghyun caressed his love with his thumbs, tentative and careful with all love he could lay bare, “You have changed me. I have stupidly tried so hard to close off this burning feeling out but it was like fighting a losing battle, because just a look from you, I just know I have to be yours and you are, without a doubt, mine.”

“Seunghyun.” This time, his name came out was all dreaming and loving, and Seunghyun just couldn’t help lean down for a long sweet kiss.

“I could have chosen if I could have but like you said, this is nothing here to choose.” Seunghyun let go of Jiyong’s face to wrap them around the latter and pulled him closer into him, “You and I are never a choice. I have no chance against these sexy lips of yours.” Then he stole a quick peck to prove his point.

“Seunghyun!” Jiyong punched the older man on the chest and scowled. He pointedly ignored the flush on his own cheeks and grin on his own lips. The older man just chuckled at him before leaned forward for a proper kiss.

“No, really.” Seunghyun whispered after they broke their kiss, “You have to believe this is it for me.” He looked straight into the smaller man’s eyes as he punctuated out each word, “You are the one for me, now and forever.”

They looked at each other for seconds before Jiyong planted his face into Seunghyun’s neck. The older man smiled this time when he felt wetness on his skin.

“Yes.” Jiyong mumbled into the older man’s skin, “And you are the one and only for me too.” He tangled his legs with the longer ones when he was pulled closer, “Now and forever.”

Seunghyun couldn’t even think of he had ever be this happy in his life but the beats of the smaller man’s heart against his own chest were just like a lullaby, sweet and safe, that he gave up and let the beats lured him into sleep.

Seunghyun woke up when a beam of sunshine hit his eyes. He sighed and buried himself deeper into the soft fabric. He wanted to sleep longer because it felt like this as the first time he had actually slept after a year of without closing his eyes.

 He swung his hand to the side, expecting to find a body but greeting him was emptiness.

He frowned and tried to focus on why Jiyong’s side was empty. He let himself listen carefully for any moving noise but none come to his ears.

The room was completely silent apart from his quick breathing.

He jolted up and wide awake tan he had ever been.

The room was completely empty apart from a very confused Choi Seunghyun.

He tried not to shake or collapse on the way from his hotel back to his home. He tried to think positive, tried to reason with himself that Jiyong was not leaving him, that Jiyong was at home waiting for him, that everything was gonna be ok because last night Jiyong had said that Seunghyun was his one and only, now and forever…


(no subject)

Bullshit fairytales and the tale of miracle coins (Sequent of Baby, Goodnight.) (Part 4)

Author: 1kbig.

Genre: AU, Angst and Romatic

Rating: PG.

Disclaiming: Unfortunately, they are not mine because who would write fic if videos were so much better!

A/N: This took me a hell of time to finish and really, Trevi Fountain, wait for me ok!

Summary: what is the kind of untouched love, like literally untouched, and what if all you need is 2 pennies to find your true love…

Part 4

Seunghyun lied awake staring at the ceiling and counting sheep willing sleep would come and take him away.

The whole week since he met the guy in the kitchen, Seunghyun was getting worse.

His eyes were bloodshot and dark circles now.

Everyone looked at him with curiosity and concern, and he hated it.

He knew he had to take a grip or at least fucking do something but he didn’t know what to do. No matter what he did, that disturbing pain was still physically there in his heart.

Seriously, avoiding and keeping distance were just lost course now.

Today was Thursday day already.

2 weeks had passed.

Seunghyun sighed mentally as he turned to look at the woman lying next to him.

And then he was up and made his way down to the first floor.

To the kitchen.


His heart stopped a second before it beat ten times faster than normal.

He might faint yet his feet kept carrying him faster and faster to the light coming out from his kitchen.

Don’t say…

What if…

God. What if….

Seunghyun pushed into the light and he saw him, pacing and biting his thumb nail.

He stopped at the sound shocked sound Seunghyun made and snapped his huge eyes up at Seunghyun.

They stared and Seunghyun suddenly felt angry.

Why was he here? Why the hell was he here?!!!

Seunghyun knew Jiyong was waiting for a chance he would be down here again.

But why?!! Why he wanted to see him?!!! why hoped when the last time he was the one who ran away?!!

He saw the smaller man flinched under his heating gaze. The guy looked away with a wounded sound. His shoulders started to tremble and he looked so small in his loose shirt.

Seunghyun wanted… but he knew if he made a move the guy would run away again and he was too tired to play this chasing game so he sighed loudly which caught the guy’s attention back on him.

They looked at each other for a second before Seunghyun shook his head, told the guy how tired he was with his eyes without a care if the guy understood or not, and then grumbled “Sorry” before turned away to head back to his room.

What he didn’t expect was how the younger man reacted.

“No! Don’t go please!” The guy stood 3 steps forward him and only stopped when he realized he had stepped into their 5 feet distance. His eyes were wide pleading and filling with tears, “I’m so sorry….but please don’t leave.”

First drop of tears rolled down his cheek and it was all it took for Seunghyun to turn around and plead his own request.

“Hey, hey.” Seunghyun said softly and gently, “I won’t go, ok.” His body was itching to take another 5 stepped over and touch the guy as much as he could, “Don’t cry, please. I stay, see.” And with that he took the chair out and sat down. They never broke their eyes contact as he did so. “Stop crying, yeah?” Seunghyun half pleaded half soothed.

“I’m sorry.” Jiyong uttered and blushed for crying in front of the guy he just met for 2 week. He hated being all vulnerable like this but he just couldn’t hide anything from this guy.

“No, don’t be.” Seunghyun smiled friendly at him, “Hey, how about we move to the comfortable couch out there?” He motioned his head over the living room.

Jiyong only nodded because anywhere was fine as long as the older man stayed.

They leaved the kitchen and position themselves in the living room. Seunghyun took the sofa and Jiyong placed himself down on the rocky chair, and their eyes never leaved each other.

“So…” Seunghyun reached over to the water bottle and a cup on the table and started to pour the liquid, “How is your day?” then he pushed the filled cup over to the younger man.

Seunghyun wanted to distract the awkwardness and nothing better than a normal topic.

“Thank you.” Jiyong smiled shyly as he picked the cup up then realized how ‘girly’ he was acting so he coughed to compose his gesture, “My day was fine. I talked to my best friend in US then I went to Design School here with Yoon Ah. So how’s about yours?” he took a gulp from his cup.

“Another tiring day at work.” Seunghyun sighed and leaned back on the sofa, “I think I’m going overload.”

“Works are always like that.” Jiyong smiled sympathetically, “But we can never leave them.”

“Yeah. Funny isn’t it?” Seunghyun chuckled humorlessly.

“You can go for vacation after that if you want.” Jiyong laid down on his side, his compose relaxed.

“That’s a good idea.” Seunghyun smiled and if his wedding and honeymoon came to his mind he pushed them down with the guilt.

“Where do you want to go?” Jiyong asked, eyes focused like it was really important for him. Everything about this man was important.

“Oversea? I think I would like to go Europe sometime in future.” Seunghyun’s eyes roamed over the smaller man’s face, remembering every detail, “Have you been there?”

“I did.” Jiyong’s eyes sparked at something he could draw the older man’s attention on him, his body tingled with those eyes on him, “I have been almost all over Europe. They are all very beautiful countries.”

And their conversation went on. They kept thing light and relaxing until it down right flirting with looks under eyelashes, questions of approaching, heart-fluttered compliments, caring gestures and tones of other tiny gestures that rang like thunders.

They felt them all poking underneath their skins. Not trying to get out. They were crawling to get deeper inside.

The way they knew they loved each other and the fact, they were flirting, consciously, just under the beds their girlfriend and fiancée were on, was rather disturbing and disgusting, yet they now felt like an ache in their sides which just sat and stared at them.

It was not like Seunghyun and Jiyong were trying to ignore it. It was just at this moment, when they looked into each other’s eyes and saw their love reflexing in the other’s eyes, they just couldn’t help falling in love all over again and all they could think of was the person in front of them. Their swelling hearts were a sweet distraction too.

The way they were around each other was just too easy to be normal. It was like you were staring to the sky through the clearest glass and the other side of it was a thick layer of water. It was so clear how they recognized and be aware of every single feeling, gestures and words yet it still made them dizzy like they under the water.

It was downright scary when they parted because the smile that Seunghyun gave Jiyong and the way the younger man half yawned half laughed at the older man was just too normal like they had done this for all of their lives already. It was like promises somehow, really. Promises for more.

They knew they should be freaking out, instead they went to bed and slept for the first in which like seemed forever.


After that night, they stopped avoiding each other. It was like after they had seen through that watery glass everything seemed to be different now.

They were still aware of every sigh thing about each other but instead of running, this time they stayed still and watched.

It was not like they could avoid each other for so long when the two sisters always insisted to have all of them gathered.

It had started with just small talks at the dinner tables, tentative smiles, vague inputs, secretive glances, and then the two men unconsciously picked up everything that concerned the other man.

Seunghyun smiled at his food when Yoon Ah randomly told them Jiyong loved strawberry like man loved their whisky.

Jiyong knew Seunghyun’s favorite wine brands just form looking through Seunghyun’s reaction when they talked about wine sometime in the other get-together.

It was effortless, really, the way they got to know each other. They didn’t miss a thing about the other.

It was like the tangle of reality and their wishful worlds now.

A tangle mess in their left side brains which smelled like lime juice in summer time or tasted like burning B50 shots in the cold winter day.

Blinding hot and passionate.

Wakening yet dizzy.

After a month since the day they met, they knew each other more than they should have.

Seunghyun bought strawberry every single day he went to supper market with his fiancée and only Yoon Ah accidently asked that if Chaerim hated it, that he realized he had forgotten that. He stopped buying them all together but from that day onward, strawberry juice was replaced.

Yoon Ah had once asked where were all the toy figures he had bought until now, Jiyong cut his finger with his Gillette just to distract her because he couldn’t lie or either tell her the truth that all the toys were safely in Seunghyun’s office.

It was not Chaerim who bought Seunghyun’s aspirins when his head pounded from stress. They were on Prick Bear’s laps which was sent to his office from his own house. Seunghyun bought new aspirins though because those sent aspirins looked best on that Pick Bear’s laps. He could stare at them all day and his headache would be just a dull throb at the right side of his brain.

The last day of the month, Jiyong got 2 tickets to a Korean traditional play. He didn’t remember he had told anyone but Yoon Ah he wanted to watch them at least once. However, when he thrust them at her, she jumped excitedly at him and told him how surprised she was at this gift of his. Jiyong was confused but after he got a ‘have fun with her’ message from Seunghyun’s number, he just smiled all day. That night after stepped out from the theater, Jiyong felt it was his best day ever.

It was creepy actually, how they knew the other’s needs even before the other knew.

After 2 months since the day they fell in love, the Thursday meeting became weekly thing because they couldn’t stop falling into love.

They met, they talked, they flirted, then they feared, they struggled, they depressed until they fought, they frustrated, they pushed, they ran away so that in the end, they crawled back, seeking each other out, begging the other to stay just a little longer so that the pain in them would be subdued.

Ok, so those Thursdays were not just meeting, it was more like dating for them.

It was rather pathetic really, how fast and uncontrolled they had fallen.

Therefore, they should have been more careful because B50 in a hot summer day could catch a fire which could burn.

Then came the third month and love tuned into want. Mentally and physically.

At first, it only annoyingly boiled under their skin but of course, Seunghyun had to walk on to Jiyong making out with Yoon Ah one day he came back home earlier than normal. Jealousy flamed into angry fire. His hands were shaking as he taking out the whisky and drank directly from the bottle and when he couldn’t either drunk or forget, he threw the bottle of wine at the floor.

The couple and his fiancée ran into the kitchen but all Seunghyun could see was those shiny swollen red lips, those, his brain angrily supplied, were supposed to be his and his alone.

Need, want…to touch, to taste, to claim, to own.

 He didn’t even notice the girls were here when he stuck crossed the room, eyes fixed on those lips that he had hungered for since forever, it was like magnetism pulled him even though those lips gave out a sharp intake and got away from him as he got closer. And only when Chaerim’s voice called his name loud like a gunshot through the air that Seunghyun stopped.

He saw the man in front of him was looking at him with fearful eyes in silent begging. The guy even took another step back away from him and Seunghyun’s heart shattered to peiceswith the bottle he just threw.


It was stunned like being stabbed.

Seunghyun heard his fiancée called him again. Her voice was shaking with fear, confusion, doubt and desperation.

He snapped. He screamed out loud, wounded and painful, making every soul in the room jumped before storming out of the house, leaving behind the heavy silence.

He asked for 2 days lift and stayed in hotel. He ignored all the phone calls and messages.

He got drunk the first day so he could forget everything then the second day, he stayed as awake as his hangover allowed him. He needed to think all over again.

He stared at the ceiling and suddenly realized it was his wedding next month and thing just pill down layers and layers until he felt all naked and exposed.

His heart whined exhaustedly when he thought back the rejection and about the man named Kwon Jiyong.

Seunghyun was not old but he was not young either to dream about a fateful love would always have their happy ever after.

He was definitely a romantic freak but was realistic enough to know that this was it.

This is real world and in this world, fairy-tales were full of shit and fate love was lame.

So when something could never be you, you let it go.

Bland and simple.

Seunghyun cursed and then turned and buried his face into the pillow. Of course, talking was always easier actually doing it though. Seunghyun was not that stupid to believe that he could just get over that guy in a flip of hand.

He calculated everything in his head the plans to bury this messy feeling.

This Thursday would be his and Chaerim second anniversary and then from the middle of this month he would be very busy preparing for his wedding which would be the end of next month. He had a perfect excuse to not be around the other man and he had the best excuses to not think about him too.

If he tried harder he surely would somehow push this to the back of his mind and once he was husband of his fiancée he would had the perfect excuse and motivation to completely forget. Being someone husband surely would take toll on his feeling for the guy.

Seunghyun muffled his sigh into the pillow and wished that all of this would work because id it didn’t  he didn’t know what to do anymore.

He settled himself more comfortable and then thought about a reason to explain for his weird action 2 days ago before slipped into restless sleep.



(no subject)

Bullshit fairytales and the tale of miracle coins (Sequent of Baby, Goodnight.) (Part 3)

Author: 1kbig.

Genre: AU, Angst and Romatic

Rating: PG.

Disclaiming: Unfortunately, they are not mine because who would write fic if videos were so much better!

A/N: This took me a hell of time to finish and really, Trevi Fountain, wait for me ok!

Summary: what is the kind of untouched love, like literally untouched, and what if all you need is 2 pennies to find your true love…

Part 3

Jiyong blinked at his phone which he had been blinking at for totally 15 minutes already.

He closed his eyes, tried to calm his heart and his cowardice down.

He needed to do this and before he could back down again, Jiyong pressed call.

Peep, Peep, Peep.


“I’m gay.” Jiyong slurred hurried out, “Or I’m going insane. Or I’m already crazy. Or I’m gay and going insane. Or maybe I’m crazy so I’m gay. Or I’m crazy and going insane because I’m gay. Or….”

“Hey, hey, hey, Jiyong! Calm down, dude!” Yongbae urged and all of his sleep flew out of his tiny window. Really. One sentence with a lot of ‘crazy’, ‘insane’ and mostly ‘gay’ didn’t seem normal at all. “Calm down, ok. Breathe. In hale then exhale.”

Jiyong heard the guy’s voice in his ears muffled and just then that he realized his noisy fast breathing was dozing out his friend’s talking.

He listened to his friend’s instruction and tried to control his breaths.

“Ok. So what is all the deal that you nearly died on me?” Yongbae asked concerning after his friend was calm down.

“I don’t know.” Jiyong hissed, “I want to fucking know what the hell is going on too! But I don’t know!”

“Hey, hey. It’s ok. It’s ok.” Yongbae said soothingly again.

  “I…” Jiyong closed his eye, took a huge gulp of air before continued, “Yongbae, I think I’m going out of my mind. I think I’m gay.”


Jiyong swallowed hard waiting for his best friend to respond. This was hard but he couldn’t keep this in his head anymore or else he would literally go insane. Almost a week had gone by since their encounter in the kitchen and now the little world Jiyong created for his love didn’t seem to fit anymore. Seunghyun was all he could think of every second of the day.

The worst thing was that the memories about the guy didn’t make him miserable anymore. Thinking about the guy still made his heart ache but now everytime he thought about him, Jiyong couldn’t help feeling happy, sorrow, peaceful, depressed, longing, belonged, and so many more emotions that Jiyong could never imagine he could ever feel.

Jiyong had fallen too hard and too deep.

Now everytime he looked at his girlfriend he only wanted to hide where else and punish himself there for the rest of his life by loneliness…..because he there was time he had thought…..maybe, just maybe…if he could never have Choi Seunghyun then he would rather live alone forever, and each time like that he would punish himself by going through all the memories he had with Yoon Ah until now so that he could beat at himself for being an asshole, so he could suffer his pride and confidence for being a cheater, so he could low himself to the level he disgusted the most for being…himself.

He only had his pride, confidence, ego and the self that he tried so hard to deserve all the respect from people around him. he worked so hard to be himself today and with just a loving look from Yoon Ah he felt like he the lowest scum.

Jiyong tried to act normal but his old self was dying and it was showing, and he knew it was just matter of time Yoon Ah would notice. And she would hate him forever and Seunghyun would go on with his marriage, which he didn’t think his heart could take, and Jiyong would die alone.

“You think? Or you are sure?” Yongbae’s voice pulled Jiyong out of his thought. His voice was cautious but Jiyong was happy that at least the guy didn’t hang up on him with disgust.

“I don’t know, man.” His voice even sounded miserable and weak to his own ears. He hated this side of him so much.

“So….you slept with a guy or something?” Yongbae carefully asked, he stuttered with his word a bit.

“What?!!!??” Jiyong cried out in shock, “No! I never even kiss a guy, dude! What the hell!”

“Then why do you think you are gay?” Yongbae still sound calm and approaching, “You interest in guy for a long time ago? And only now you decide to embrace it?”

“I decide to embrace nothing.” Jiyong grumbled annoyed, “I never interest in guy….” Then he trailed off at that because….

“….not until now.” Yongbae picked up where his friend had left and the silence from the other end of the line confirmed that he was right.

Yongbae rubbed his eyes and thought deeply before opened his mouth again, “Listen. If you are worry about you being will catch people around you acting weird then you can rest in peace now because I don’t think gay is a big problem anymore….”

“It’s not the problem.” Jiyong cut in. Of course, he knew his family and his friends would have no problem about him being gay because that was the least America could give you.

“Then what?” Yongbae frowned, “Yoon Ah? You think she will hate you?” he paused for a second, “So you don’t like girls now? And do you still love Yoon Ah? Or you want to break up with her?”

“No. I don’t think I’m attracted to men now.” Jiyong sighed frustrated,  “It’s just that guy. Only him. And yes, I was worrying over Yoon Ah but she is just a major part in this major problem of mine. And no if I have a choice, I don’t want to break up with Yoon Ah. I don’t want to hurt her you know.”

“Oh. This sounds complex.” Yongbae nodded his head even though no one could see him, “but, you know, liking a guy didn’t make you gay. It’s just sometimes our homo inner acting up. You just have to stop meeting the guy and get over it. And don’t tell Yoon Ah about this yet because if this is just one time thing then no need to put a hammer on your kingdom walls, dude…..if you still love her and all.” The last sentence came out sounded like a question and Jiyong pinched his nose bridge.

“The thing is that I still love her…..” Jiyong said then hurried up add, “….but it’s different kind of love now….”, he could almost see his best friend’s mouth opened then closed  at his last announcement.

“Yeah. The thing here is that I don’t like that guy….” Jiyong continued and his heart sped up with each word of truth bared out there, “….Youngbae, the problem is that I LOVE him. It’s crazy, I know, but I…..oh God! I love him the way I never love anyone. It’s so scary, Yongbae. I don’t think I will ever be ‘normal’ again after him because my soul tells me there is no ‘after him’. This is it for me. That guy is the one!” Jiyong stopped with a shaky exhale and his body was trembling now that the truth was told out loud. It was a part of reality now. Nowhere to hide anymore.

“Oh shit.” Yongbae sounded just as shaky. Jiyong could almost heard the gears running in the guy’s head.

“Ok. So it’s true love or something?” Yongbae spoke again after what seemed like a century of silence, “God. And you have been gone for like what? Weeks? Crazy, man.”

Jiyong chuckled despite of his wrecked emotion, “Tell me about that, dude. And I wish it was the ‘something’ so bad but….” He trailed off at that with another chuckled which was humorless.

“Ok. Um….so, you know, does the guy know about your feeling?” Jiyong smiled because he could see his friend was biting his lip right now. His smile dropped immediately right after though.

“Yes. He knows. We both know from the moment we meet.” Jiyong leaned his elbows on his knees and rubbed his free hand on his face, “It was so fucked up, you have no idea, Yongbae.”

“Holly crap, don’t tell me it’s love at first sight.” Yongbae sighed when all  he got for the answer was the confirmative silence, “Shit, dude. Now it really sounds like some cheesy gay soaps on TV which cramped my style bad.”

Jiyong let out a tired laugh at that comment and really, no better describing words about all this shit.

“And you have watched them, haven’t you? Only then you know right? Just confess to me, man.” Jiyong joked. Joking was good. Joking made his body from busting from pressure.

“Shut up!” Yongbae chuckled on his own and Jiyong grinned at that. “No. Really. I’m not expert in love either gay matter but I know you, man. You want something, you get them. Jiyong, this is serious, you know. If you don’t love Yoon Ah anymore then free her from the pain, and if you love the guy then get him. Do what your heart tell you, man.”

“I know, Yongbae.” Jiyong sighed, he felt so exhausted from frustration and pain, “But it’s nothing simple like that. It is, miles, far from simple, dude.”

 “What? Why?” Yongbae sounded confused, “You said the guy knew about your feeling right? Don’t tell me this is one side love.”

“No. It’s not one side love….I…I’m certain of.”

“Then what?!! The guy’s straight and he doesn’t want to be gay-ed by you or what!!?”

“I don’t think it’s a problem.” Jiyong rubbed his face again, energy is drained from him, frustration was replacing it, “God, Yongbae, I KNOW he will do anything for me. Anything. I just know, man. Coming out is the least problem for both of us.”

“Fuck! Then why?!!” Yongbae now sounded just as frustrated.

“The guy….” Jiyong stood up and started to pacing because staying still would make him go mad faster, “…he…fuck, Yongbae, the guy is Yoon Ah’s sister’s fiancé.”

The line was so quite that both of them could hear each other’s breath clearly.

“Sister’s fiancé?” Yongbae swallowed. He didn’t think his brain was working right.



“So he is married?”

Sighed. “Around 4 months and he will be.”

“Yoon Ah’s sister?”


Fuck! TV soaps? Who was Yongbae kidding?!!?

“This is very…insane, man.” Yongbae said, his voice laced with stunned shock.

“This is madness, I know.” Jiyong’s throat was closing with every word out of his lips, “I wish I can stop this madness in me but I can’t. I tried. I did! But….” Jiyong felt coolness on his cheeks now, “I’m going insane. I’m not myself anymore. I used to think I was the strongest and when I wanted to do anything I just set my determination and did it. I tried, Yongbae. I forced myself to forget him but the more I did the harder I fell for him. I…oh God! I don’t even know what to do anymore. I feel guilty everytime Yoon Ah and her sister are around. I feel like the lowest life.”

“Man, calm down.” Yongbae soothed, he was taken back when he heard the guy crying. Wow! This was bad! Seriously bad!

“I know you are in a very fucked up situation, man, but you gotta calm down.” Yongbae softly comfort, “We will find a solution for this ok?”

Jiyong inhaled and exhale loudly and tried to calm himself down.

“Sorry man.” Jiyong said after he took good 5 minutes to compose his emotion, “I can’t believe I am watering my eyes on you. So not cool.”

“It is fine, Jiyong.” Yongbae chuckled affectionately, “It’s fiend for and who says man can’t weep.”

Jiyong chuckled as well and wiped his face with tissues.

“So your situation…um…” Yongbae frowned, “You know, in cheesy novels, there are couples with tragedy love like yours and most of them, you know, choose to…”

“No.” Jiyong cut in with determination, “We can’t do that. It’s too cruel for them, Yongbae. Hurt them both at the same time is just…..no, man, I can’t.”

“Ok, ok. It was just a silly idea, ok.” Yongbae said defensive, “Then what are you planning to do? You and Yoon Ah are staying with her sister right? It must be really awkward for you.”

“Awkward? Man, such an understatement.” Jiyong snorted bitterly, “I am living under the same root with a guy I’m madly on love with who is my girlfriend’ sister’s soon-to-be husband. It’s torment.”

“Oh, dude. You are living with them all.” Yongbae was stunned, “seriously, can it get any worse? TV soaps are so gonna bow down to you, dude.”

Jiyong snorted humorlessly.

“Jiyong? Are you in there?” Jiyong jumped when his girlfriend’s voice came through the door with knocking sounds.

“Shit.” Jiyong cursed under his breathed willed his heart to calm down before yelled out, “Yes. I’m in here. Wait for me a moment.”

“Ok but you better hurry I have something for you.” His girlfriend sing-song then she walked away.

“Is it Yoon Ah?” His friend’s voice  on the phone got his attention back.

“Yes.” Jiyong sighed, “I think I have to go, man.”

“Yeah, ok.” Yongbae nodded even though his friend couldn’t see him, “Jiyong, I’m so sorry I can’t help you with this. I wish I can but….”

“It’s ok, man.” Jiyong said sincerely, “I’m feeling better now that I’ve talked to you. I less heavy, you know. Thank you, man.”

“It’s no problem.” Yongbae sent back with just as much sincere, “If there is anything just call me, ok?”

“Ok, dude.” Jiyong chuckled affectionately at his friend.

“Take care, dude.”

“You too.”

And then Jiyong hung up his phone.

He stared at it for a very long time with a void in his whole body.

True that it felt better to share this burden with someone but telling someone also meant this was real now.

This feeling of his, it was no more the dream of pain.

It was like getting physical and stronger that one day it could touch him…strangle him.


(no subject)

Bullshit fairytales and the tale of miracle coins (Sequent of Baby, Goodnight.) (Part 2)

Author: 1kbig.

Genre: AU, Angst and Romatic

Rating: PG.

Disclaiming: Unfortunately, they are not mine because who would write fic if videos were so much better!

A/N: This took me a hell of time to finish and really, Trevi Fountain, wait for me ok!

Summary: what is the kind of untouched love, like literally untouched, and what if all you need is 2 pennies to find your true love…

Part 2

The guy was standing there as the soft yellow light of the kitchen painted golden on his skin and Seunghyun’s breath hitched in his chest.

The smaller man was in a well-worn t-shirt and a loose pajama paint which hung low on his hips. He was standing and leaning against the kitchen counter by his hip, arms crossed at his chest, a bottle of water in his hand, and he was looking out the window into the night. His chest heaved up and down with each slow steady breath.

And Seunghyun felt peaceful just standing there and looking at the man like this.

He knew he was being stalking and creepy and very much lovesick but he could careless right now as he remained standing there and pat his back mentally at how good he was behaving when the urge to touch was like millions of needles poking at his body and his subconscious.

The first time when they met, the first lay of eyes, love ignited like fireworks, hot and overwhelming that he had no time to just stop and see….see how beautiful the guy actually was.

Bright sad eyes, lump sorrow lips, adorable nose, high and well defined cheek bones, sharp manly jawline yet it made his feminine figure more attractive.

Seunghyun never had a type but if he did have one, regardless the gender, the guy certainly fitted his every checklist.

Or maybe his stupid lovesick was just fucking with his head because Seunghyun knew better that he, in fact, had a type which was very much resemble Chaerim and oh-so very further from this guy, that didn’t even count the gender problem.

In other words, if Seunghyun had a choice, Kwon Jiyong would never be on any list.


Seunghyun’s body and awareness flared awake like hyper-aware of everything was happening round him as his brain trying to make sure what his ears had heard was true.

Did his name just come out from those lips?

It was barely a whisper but Seunghyun certained that he heard it. He could bet his right arm.

And why did it feel so right hearing his name called out by that voice?

His heart did that little lovesick dance and yearned for more from those lips. Just one more sound, just one more time, just a little more.

Only when the sound of water bottle hitting the ground and a sharp intake noise jolted into his consciousness that Seunghyun finally notice he had stepped into the light and the smaller man was staring at him with shocked eyes then other hundreds emotions flashed crossed his face as they stared at each other before breaking their eye contact with the expression of pain.

Seunghyun immediately felt possessive over the guy as all he wanted to do was to smooth that pain off his face and to hurt anyone who put that expression on that beautiful face.

Seunghyun’s heart did it own sob in pain when the man in front of him suddenly looked up and his eyes were looking desperately behind him like he couldn’t wait to bolt out on Seunghyun, like he couldn’t stand a second in Seunghyun’s presence.

The guy made a slight move and Seunghyun acted before he could even think.

“No, please! Stay!” Seunghyun had never begged anyone yet he was here, in this moment, feeling going on his knees if he had to.

For the smaller man, he just stood….petrified, and stared at Seunghyun like he didn’t believe that Seunghyun was actually talking to him. He didn’t seem like he was breathing at all.

“I….” Seunghyun sucked in air and then let disbelieving and guilt washed over him with sharp jags. He was not supposed to talk to him, not supposed to give up to this temptation but….

“Please, stay.” Seunghyun didn’t even recognize his own voice anymore. It was so uncertain and pleading. “I….can we talk?”

They then just stared at each other. The smaller man still froze in his own state. His face was turning white like his body was needing air yet he himself didn’t even realize that.

Seunghyun inhaled sharply before moving closer, eyes strained on the other man. He pulled out a chair and sat down on it before tentatively spoke again.

“Sit, please.” He pointed at the chair cross from him, motioned the guy to sit but all the man did was staring at him with huge eyes and white face.

Seunghyun sighed and tried again, “Jiyong, sit down, please.”

And seemed like calling his name out did thing on the guy because the man moved. He walked emotionlessly toward the chair Seunghyun had pointed to and sat down. His eyes were still on Seunghyun. He moved like his body was responded to Seunghyun’s voice regardless his numbing brain.

Seunghyun let the staring happened few seconds more before he carefully spoke up again, “Jiyong, breathe, dude.”

And loud inhale and exhale noises filled the room. Jiyong’s body shook with the air launched into his lungs.

“Good. You are doing good.” Seunghyun said soothingly as they stared into each other eyes while Jiyong tried to calm his breathing.

They stayed like that until the smaller man’s breaths became even and his face returned to its normal color and then changed to several other shades and colors when he realized he was indeed sitting and talking with Seunghyun who he had tried so hard to stay away.

“Hey, don’t go, please.” Seunghyun pleaded again and just then Jiyong noticed that he was half rising up already. Jiyong wanted to run away even in his unconsciousness.

“Please.” Seunghyun begged again and Jiyong slumped back on his chair without a thought.

He mentally whined at the discovery that the older man didn’t need to beg him to do anything because he would definitely do literally anything the guy tell him to, which he would never tell anyone. He bitterly laughed at himself how weak and ridiculously shameful he had become. One word and he could have Jiyong on his knees.

“How…” Seunghyun cleared his throat when the word came out like a hoarse choke, “How are you?”

Small talk was good. They could do small talk.


Yet Jiyong couldn’t find himself open his mouth as he continued staring at the man sitting across from him.

He opened his mouth, tried then closed it in the end to just open his mouth and made soundless sounds.

After watching the smaller man did that fishy-breathing-alike acts with his mouth, Seunghyun busted out a surprised laugh. Yes, he was stressed and restless with this encounter but the guy was just damn adorable, sweet and adoring that bubbles of love in him busted out with laughter because laughter were better than ‘I love you’.

Definitely better.

In fact, Seunghyun was surprised by his laughter too so he clasped his mouth with his mouth with his hand and the two of them stared at each other in stunned shock before Jiyong’s laughter filled the room.

Seunghyun was making heart eyes at the younger, at the way he was laughing with smiling eyes, cringed up nose, quirked mouth, and then he chuckled and joined the laughter bubbling in the kitchen.

They didn’t break their eyes as they laughed at each other.

Seunghyun’s heart was fluttering at the fact that this was the first time he saw this beautiful man laughing and he was the one who did it. He suddenly felt larger than life.

Their laughter finally died down with a relaxing exhale from Jiyong.

The guy leaned back on his chair, his gestures seemed to be eased down now and he was looking up at Seunghyun under his eyelashes, all shy and adorable.

Seunghyun sighed lovingly and then leaned forward. He put both of his elbows on the table, clasped his hands so that he could rest his chin on them and just openly making heart-eyes at the guy.

They stayed like that with sometimes Jiyong blushed and giggled and Seunghyun sighed like a lovesick idiot and fell in love all over again and again and again.

It was simple, easy and natural like they had done this for the rest of their lives already.

It was fucked up yet it was most beautiful kind of fucked up because here they were. Days of crawling in pain and wounds, with just soundless moment like this, they felt all healed and mended.

It was sin yet they felt right.

It was wrong yet they felt safe.

It was dangerous temptation yet they felt completed.

It was a void they could never dare to fill.

Yet here they were, feeling like on top of the world.

And then Jiyong yawned and the relaxing air sucked away with that.

The day went by. The dawn was poking through the secretive darkness and reality was coming alive.

Their little world was falling down.

Fear stabbed his heart and instinct took his body as Seunghyun’s eyes widened in desperation and he reached out….toward…

Jiyong flinched away so hard he stumbled and knocked his chair down. The carpet kept the room from loudness and kept their shattering world shatter slower.

Seunghyun begged with his eyes and Jiyong pleaded back with his.



I need you.

They need us.

And Seunghyun slumped back on his chair with head between his hands. Griping his hair that it hurt so that tears didn’t roll.

“Go.” Seunghyun roughly breathed out and a painful sound cut through his heart before sounds of someone stumbling away filled his ears.

Seunghyun didn’t need to look to know the younger man was crying.

He just knew.

And he knew how it tasted too.

The tears.


“Do you thing I’m gay?”

“Huh?” Dong Wook looked up, surprise was visible on his face, “What the hell, dude?”

“Have you ever once, in a little bit tiny moment, thought I would be gay?” Seunghyun asked again. His emotionless eyes stared passed his friend’s shoulder. They were in their lunch time now.

The older man stared at his friend with utter shock before coughing out loud, “Ok…so are you…g…”

“No, I am not.” Seunghyun shook his head, sighed tiredly and just then focused his eyes on his friend.

“Then why asking this kind of weird question, man?” Dong Wook frowned at his friend. He had noticed the younger man had been acted weirdly lately, “Don’t say you are interesting in men now. Bi-curious?” Well, then it kind of explained everything then.

“No. It would be easier if it was like that.” Seunghyun sneered bitterly laced with frustration, “I have been staring at all kind of guys for week and no. I feel nothing. Fuck!”

“Oh. Ok.” The older man frowned deeper as he leaned back on his chair and regarded his friend with worry and a little wary, “So….why?

One word and so many answers needed to be told.

The younger man didn’t say a word though he just looked emotionlessly into space and…..ok, shit.

“Shit. Don’t tell me you....fallen….” Words were failing Dong Wook now, “…a guy?!!??” His tone was soft yet his pitch was high.

The other man once again didn’t answer him but the look he gave him answered everything.

Dong Wook pressed his whole body into his chair, needing something solid to hold on.

Oh shit!


(no subject)

Bullshit fairytales and the tale of miracle coins (Sequent of Baby, Goodnight.) (Part 1)

Author: 1kbig.

Genre: AU, Angst and Romatic

Rating: PG.

Disclaiming: Unfortunately, they are not mine because who would write fic if videos were so much better!

A/N: This took me a hell of time to finish and really, Trevi Fountain, wait for me ok!

Summary: what is the kind of untouched love, like literally untouched, and what if all you need is 2 pennies to find your true love…

YOU CAN FIND 'Baby, Goodnight' fic HERE: http://1kbig.livejournal.com/543.html

Part 1

2 days.

Seunghyun had bought himself 2 busy-at-work days so he wouldn’t have to go home where his heart was hanging on a thin string.

Not seeing that person for 2 days cleared his head plenty.

He tried to sort everything had happened on the first day. Seunghyun had laughed at his stupid heart and silly brain about thinking it was love at first sight, that the guy was his ‘true love’ which now sounded damn ridiculous in his head now. Come on! That was only happened in fiction!

He reasoned with himself that the guy was a beauty and that maybe his fucking bi-curious (which every guy in this Earth also had) was acting up in a fucking wrong time.

He even tried to look at guys in different light so that he could feed his bi-curious inner and when he felt nothing at all staring at every guy in his office, he reasoned that those guys were just not his type. Not giving up, he sought out more guys when he went to the restaurant for lunch. However, as the day dragged by, he felt more and more stupid looking at guys’ asses feeling nothing and the more he felt stupid the more his unconsciousness screamed ‘denial’ at him which Seunghyun just shut it down with the smile he had just saw once yet couldn’t find the way to get it off his brain cells.

Seunghyun talked to his girlfriend everyday even though they couldn’t meet. He looked at their pictures which was taken from their engagement every minute he could. He reminded himself every second that he was engaged, he had a fiancée now, who loved him so much and he loved her just the same…..yeah, he loved her and had decided to spend this life with her…..he had her now. He shouldn’t ever hurt her. He had promised….and 4 more months it would be his vow to her in their wedding.

The first night sleeping at his office, Seunghyun slept with her photo in his arms which did help him slip in and out form sleep from times to times. He woke up when the sun had not even awake itself with a pounding headache and then stayed awake until people filled the office because he was scared to fall asleep again….the face in his mind when he closed his eyes and leaped into sleep was not his fiancée’s...

Seunghyun tried to calm himself down and comforted his lack of sleep brain that tonight would be better. If he could manage some sleep last night maybe tonight we would sleep more soundly. The only problem was trying not to dream about…..

Seunghyun sighed before taking his phone out and called his fiancée.

He gotta try everything he could.

Sitting at his office after done busying with million papers of reports and contacts worth of monthly works so that he didn’t have to think of anything but his works, Seunghyun stared into space and his mind was bland.

Blandness was good, even great.

Bland meant there was no thinking, so remembering, no beating himself at the guilt, no trying to deny anything, no wondering his mind where he shouldn’t, no feeling at all….

No feeling….

Seunghyun winced at the throb in his chest and dashed his eyes at the clock on his wall.

6 hours more until Sunday and he had to go home and face….No more excuses.

Seunghyun dropped his head on his desk with a hard ‘thump’, let the sting took his headache away which didn’t seem to work at all so Seunghyun sighed again before leaning his body back on his chair, reaching for his engagement photo again, Seunghyun hugged it against his chest, willed his mind to go bland and his eyes to sleep.

He didn’t know how long it had passed when he jolted awake with his heart ached in guilt from the dream he was having. He was sweating and shaking with the images still so lively in his mind. He panted and shrived at the sensation ran up and down his body left him hot and cold.

His body was strained …..and fuck, he was hard. Never this hard in his life.

That erotic dream left him nauseous and the picture of his fiancée only made it worse because the person Seunghyun was kissing with passion, touching with want, tasting with hunger in his dream was not her.

First time ever after she had walked into his life.

Seunghyun made it to the toilet before he puked his guts out.

Clinging into the sink for his life, he washed saliva and sweat of his messy face.

He looked at his face in the mirror, saw it red from the strain of vomiting and his pupils still blew wide from the dream he just had.

Seunghyun laughed in agony and it sounded ugly in his ear.

He slumped on the floor with his head between his knees and kept laughing until tears wet his face so that he didn’t have to analysis what kind of tears they were….until they came out too much his eyes no longer see anything….until his chest bubbled with sobs.

Seunghyun didn’t know how long he was sobbing like a baby in the toilet but by the time he dag himself back to his office, he was too exhausted that he felt asleep after he put his back on his chair.

And when every detail of Kwon Jiyong’s face and body flooded into him again, Seunghyun didn’t fight it this time.

He slept soundly with smile on his lips, tears in his eyes, love caressed half of his heart and guilt shattered the other half.


Jiyong was walking on his toes all the time around his new house. His heart leaped to his throat whenever the name ‘Seunghyun’ was mentioned.

The guy had been absent for two days and then when Sunday came, Jiyong took his girlfriend out alone saying that they needed to give the older couple their space and Yoon Ah agreed without a doubt which only made Jiyong’s stomach sunk down lower with guilt.

They stayed out late so when they were back, for Jiyong’s relief, the older couple had already gone to bed.

He pretended to sleep until the older man had gone to work on the next day then made himself as busy as possible with his girlfriend as they wanted to discover every corner of Seoul.

Everytime his beautiful girlfriend smile happily and kissed him all loving, Jiyong felt like he was an ass he was with Yoon Ah even though he really enjoyed her company and because of her he completely forgot about his ‘problem’, which exactly was the big problem here because whenever he was with her, he always felt that he was using her to forget, to escape.

Everyday since that first meeting, Jiyong always took himself an hour to shaking and cursing, to feel the pain deep in his born, to mourn over the buried love, to crying until the pain faded into an uncomfortable ache in his chest, then he would shower to cover the change in him so that when he stepped out of this bathroom, which had become a world for him to live with his bruised heart, he was Kwon Jiyong again who loved Lee Yoon Ah and had chosen her to be his only one, the girl who gave him her everything….but ….there was Choi Seunghyun and JIyong dig his nails into his palm until it bled everytime he thought about that guy when he was with her because asshole like him deserved worse.

Everything he did or said felt like fakes and lies for him now. He did love her and in his heart he still loved her with passion and all adoration…but….there was Choi Seunghyun and Jiyong bit his lip until it bled because cheater deserved worse.

Every loving word she gave him whole heartedly, his heart died a little inside. With every loving word Jiyong spoke to her, he meant each word, with every inch of his heart and the love they shared…..but….there was Choi Seunghyun and Jiyong beat himself with disgust when he was alone because fucker like him deserved worse.

 Only think about breaking her heard had him bended in pain.

He just couldn’t….

Looking at her rubbing her cheek in his chest when the light of the night painted golden on her skin, Jiyong just couldn’t think he could hurt her. Just in those quite moments like that he thought maybe this was enough for him. He had felt the pain, he had had his adventure, he had had what he wanted, maybe this was enough.

Not seeing the guy around did do him good to calm his emotions down and get his life back in gear. Jiyong didn’t deny his feeling for the older man, living in US for so long now that he didn’t think his attraction for a man was a big deal, the problem here was that it was more than just attraction which Jiyong accepted it with an easy ache in his chest.

He knew people fall in and out of love to just fall into its arms again sometimes but life was different. He knew better to believe in happy every after.

He knew he loved Yoon Ah and he knew he was in love with Seunghyun. He disgusted at himself less when he at least could face the truth.

In fiction, people lived and died with their love; they fought for their love and for each other so that in the end, spent the rest of their live with each other.

In reality, people didn’t run head first into something they were not sure of, and with love it was just the same.

In reality, sometimes, people didn’t live forever with their loves, they lived with the one they chose to rest their lives on. A certain place.

For Jiyong, Choi Seunghyun was like a garden full of roses where was so beautiful and lurking and attempting but once you got in, they would tear you open with their horns while Lee Yoon Ah was a field of green grass, simple and familiar which was safe.

Choi Seunghyun was the pool of heating love which could catch fire once Jiyong dipped his body inside and in the end would burn him to ashes.

Yoon Ah was the warm bathtub that made him feel like home.

Choi Seunghyun was everything Jiyong wished he could but would never have.

Yoon Ah was everything he thought he wanted and still wanted.

Choi Seunghyun was the love Jiyong had been growing up dreaming and chasing to have with each fictions and movies he had gone through.

Lee Yoon Ah was reality that could be forever.

Jiyong had made his choice.

He knew Choi Seunghyun was a part of his live now, would forever be just like Jiyong’s everyday will  have him in his own misery for an hour then the rest of the day he was Yoon ah’s.

If Choi Seunghyun had his heart then Yoon Ah would have Kwon Jiyong himself.


“You seem so busy lately.” Chaerim yawned as she scooped over for her fiancé to join her.

“Works suck.” Seunghyun sighed tiredly. His body was a mess of limps. Stress from works, from his own problem, the caution and the upper awareness, the lack of sleep, the hole in his heart, the guilt heavy in his stomach, everything seemed out to get him at once.

“Poor you, baby.” The girl pressed her body closer to him, wrapped her arms around him and then smoothed his back with them, “Sleep. It can help you to clear your mind and gain you back some energy.”

“Yeah.” Seunghyun hugged her closer, inhaled her familiar scent and thinking that yes, he could do this. Sleeping he could….

Which no surprise, he couldn’t at all.

It had been a week now.

A week of no sleep left Seunghyun drained out and so exhausted.

True as his fiancée had said, he was busy or at least it was what he was trying to be, being away from the house as much of possible.

They caught the gleams of each other here and there. Short greetings if they had to when the girls were around.

No lingering, no eye contact.

Five feet was the nearest they had allowed to get into each other space.

Just the presence of the other enough to spark electric through their veins and the atmosphere around them, they couldn’t even imagine what would happen if they touched….

Seunghyun bit his lip and dig his nail into his palm to stop a shiver consuming his body.

His eyes dashed to the woman in his arms who was sleeping soundly already and a bitter sour wave of emotion chocked him in his throat.

He just couldn’t….embrace her in his arms while all he could think of was the guy who was sleeping in the room crossed the hall from his own room…

If the guilt had been physical, Seunghyun would have been strangled to death by now.

 Seunghyun carefully distanced himself from her, as quiet as possible he pushed himself off the bed and walked out of the room.

He headed to the kitchen, wanting water to smooth down the plump in his throat.

He sighed as the possibility of another sleepless night.

Seunghyun stopped and frowned when he saw soft light coming out from the kitchen. Someone was in there and Seunghyun didn’t know why but he was so sure who that ‘someone’ was.

He bit his lip considered to go back to bed but the thought of lying next to his fiancée while thinking about another person made him sick, and the temptation, the pull of his heart, they were too hard to resist and Seunghyun was kind of tired of resisting already. So with a deep inhale, Seunghyun slowly and silently approached the lightened area.

The closer he got to the light, the louder and faster his heart drummed in his chest, the colder his body got while his palms were sweating.

Stood at the border between the light and the dark, Seunghyun let the darkness hid him while the light shone upon the desire of his heart, Kwon Jiyong.


Monstrous Beauty (part 2)

Monstrous Beauty (part 2)

Author: 1kbig.

Genre: AU, sifi.

Rating: PG13 (for the violent)

Disclaiming: the boys r not mine....

Summary:  They were just trying to stay alive…….

A/N: You need to watch Monster MV-Big Bang to understand this fic of mine. The numbers, their codes, the plot of the fic…..EVERYTHING!!!!



With the lead of the scientist, they sped their way through labs and labs. They had to change their direction few time due to the noises coming into their way until the scientist spat out in anger.

“This is the last fucking way!” His grip on MGL3+3mE was hard but with the monster, it felt like nothing, “We have no option now!”

9Ae-7331 growled in annoyance and look at the other end of the hall way they were running on. The noises of gun sounds and human voice were coming near and soon.

“You go.” He grunted his order, “I keep them away.”

“We can’t leave you behind.” BNFz-03s4 disagreed, “You all go. I will cover.” And N+3xRX squeaked unpleasantly.

“No.” growled with authority, 9Ae-7331 turned his back to his pack and face the danger was coming, “This order. Go.”

They all fell silent for a while until the grumble of running sound came just around the corner.

“Go!” 9Ae-7331 growled again as he hunched down into ready position.

“Wait! Wait!” The scientist suddenly shouted out, jumped off MGL3+3mE’s back and rushed to 9Ae-7331’s side, “Here. Take this.” He took the red hair one’s hand and shoved a paper into it, “The way out is quite complicating, you need this map to get there.” The old man then ducked his head down as sadness and guilt flooded on his gesture, “And I’m so sorry for what we had done to you all. I really am so sorry. If I could do anything to redone all of this…..” he sighed tiredly before walked head down back to MGL3+3mE who bended down for him to hop on. He mumbled ‘thank you’ to his object’s back.

 “Be careful.” BNFz-03s4 calmly said and then they all took off leaving 9Ae-7331 behind was still all weird inside with the gesture of the human that he just stood and stared at the map in his hand.

He was monster….thing that was created by them, human…by him so why bother now?

A monster could just find out the escape root by tracing the scents they had left behind so why gave him a map?

Treating him like he was still….human.

Isn’t it a bit too late?

9Ae-7331 grimed as he jumped out of the bullet rain pouring at him in just a hair distance.

9Ae-7331 roared like an animal showing his strength and warns to the enemies before launched himself into the circle of human and gunpowder.

Moved faster than a leopard, more powerful than a lion, more deadly than copra, prouder than a whale in ocean, accurate than eagle, and vicious like a hawk, the Beta fought in grace.

The battle was just the same.

The cringe-worth sound of gun echoed like a bell of death, gunpowder filled one’s nose like the rose scent of battle, blood seethed red just like the color of that flower.

Human and monster was now all just killers and killer.

Seeking for their purposes. Survive.

It was indeed all the same.

9Ae-7331 and his life, though, was never the same again.

The day he was chosen to be an object.

The day he had survived the first experiment and the first thing he had in mind was fight to continue survive.

The day he became a Beta which also meant he was the only Beta in this entire world.

And then came today.



The first battle.

Blood and the hunger of an animal.

Fight and the emotion of wanting to protect his pack, his family.

The anger of being created like a monster.

The weird feeling of being treated like a human.

All left him breathless and 9Ae-7331 unconsciously blamed it for the fact he had put down all the soldiers but none of them died. He blamed it for the fact he had missed all the fatal spots.

He knew all 50 pairs of eyes here were the living records of what happened here.

The living evidences of the existence of the kind like him, yet he couldn’t bring himself to care.

Human or monster, we all wanted to live.

If the world wanted to fight them, they shall face them head straight.

He was not created with choice to be a monster but now, under the hand of freedom to be who he was, he had the right to make choices now and acting like what human thought him and his kind would was not the choice he was making.

He was no way a human but he chose not to be a monster.

He was just 9Ae-7331, who lived to be free and to protect what he treasured.

He was just…..a survivor.


In the fog of dirt and gunpowder, the grumbling of walls and ceiling, the shaking of explosions after of explosions, in the mid of all that a shadow of red sped by.

Everything was trying to catch that shadow with claws and fangs yet all was unable to.

The red shadow was like a line of fire, hot, fast, free and too powerful.

Nothing could stand between that red shadow and the first time of it seeing the light.

The first time since being created, it had the chance to reach its desire.

The world out there.

The light above the ground.

The freedom.


The rush of air against his skin.


Beautiful white.


Yet nothing could compare to the radiation of light.

So red. Even redder than his own hair and eyes.

So blinding that his eyes hurt.


Just as red.

Colors busted him to pieces.

Too much yet not enough.

The desire to embrace all and then just melting into them.

The dark was normal. Inhabitation.

The light was intruding. New world.

9Ae-7331 was petrifying.

Wounds covered his body with red colors too…..

Yet over there….seemed so near that he thought he could reach out and touch just to be burned under its radiation……..yet so far away that it was merciful.

The sun.

He had heard.

Had learned.


So….this was the meaning to be alive.

To live.

Monster or not.

And 9Ae-7331 could feel…..first time ever….this must be what human called joy or happiness or delight or …..

“So you are.” Deep as darkness, low as the bottom of ocean, dark as the breath of death….not even the light of sun could melt that coldness in that voice and 9Ae-7331 jerked and flinched around so hard his whole body screamed in pain.

Nothing compared to the cry of his instinct.

Not danger!







The sun was merciful.

The….creature was standing in front of him was…..merciless.

Those eyes.


And 9Ae-7331 was on his kneels staring wide eyes up into those mesmerizing eyes.

Yellow like poison and glowing blue like some unnatural light.

Instinct was begging to escape, running as far as possible from this creature, as the same time it was shaking surrenders, could die if being told so by that icy voice.


The first one of them all.

The one and only Alpha.

The one held the power of life and death of a pack.

The one was packed all of their powers into his body.

The one everyone had to surrender.

The one who was standing on top one of crashed air-crafts, dressing in black just like the power he was holding that even the sun barely overcome, cape spreading wide like the darkness threatening to swallow the light.

The one who stared into 9Ae-7331 soul like he owned him.

“You are the Beta.” The Alpha said above the growling of wild wind yet his voice was like thunder making 9Ae-7331 involuntarily flinched and hissed in fear.

 The Alpha suddenly jumped down and before 9Ae-7331 could even blink, his neck was grabbed painfully by an iron grip making him choked on his squeak and breathless with terror.

He was so overwhelmed by the freedom he just got that he didn’t pay his surrounding any attention. The area was covering by complete silence apart from the hissing of wind.

Shattering cross the open ground were copses of air-crafts and heavy vehicles and…..human.

And 9Ae-7331 knew just the cause of it.

The only who could possibly manage to destroy the whole specialized unit of SWAT with just a short of time like this.

And who was holding 9Ae-7331’s life like a toy. One twist was all needed.

His body was weakened as fear overcame his body….and something else as that surprisingly warm hand touched his skin…..something….

9Ae-7331 didn’t know what, couldn’t focus enough to care as sharp nails digging into his throat. He closed his eyes and waited for his fate.

He yelped and jerked when suddenly the gripped loosened, not enough to let he go, and his body was pulled against a hard one as strong arm wrapped painfully tight at his waist, and then his head was titled aside as a nose planted into his skin, warm moist breath licked against his skin leaving goosepumps on its trail.

“Wanting my own Beta since I left. So lonely.”The Alpha growled into his neck, his grip around the waist was too tight that 9Ae-7331 felt he was being snapping into two, “Been watching you since the day you came to your second life. I have been waiting all this time. For you.” The Alpha didn’t seem to notice as he continued while dragging his nose up and down the red hair’s neck, “Red hair and eyes. You are just perfect and I have chosen you to be mine.” And 9Ae-7331 shivered visually at the possession in that last word.

Keeping breathing and not melting was all 9Ae-7331 could do.

“I let the process succeeded. My one and only Beta.” The Alpha gazed his (not seen until now) fangs at his pulse and 9Ae-7331 whimpered sounded like a plea, “Yeah. Like that. You are gonna sound like that when I claim you. Inside out.”

And something came over 9Ae-7331 body as he pressed his body harder against the Alpha while he stuttered, voice still laced with fear, “I….I will claim you mi….mine too.” Then he bit hard at the Alpha’s neck but not enough to do any harm, well, his instinct told him he would definitely die if there was even a scratch.

Despite his fear, when he as much brave enough to look up, 9Ae-7331 was surprised at the look on the Alpha’s face.

No anger, neither offended.

There were amusement and want….so much want that 9Ae-7331 had to look away and shivered.

“You…you did this?” He cleared his unused throat and looked at the scene in front of him, needing a distraction, “You bring them here? And why come back?”

“I didn’t bring them here. Hyun Syuk, the human you save, brought them here. I only helped.” The Alpha’s eyes lit up, “And of course, I come here to get you.

9Ae-7331 blinked up at the taller one just to look away again as the blue light in his eye became too intense, “He contact you?”

“No one knows where I am.” The Alpha smirked, “I admire their effort and desire of wanting to terminate me though.” His eyes then turned dark and ….scary, “Such pitiful punch, knowing nothing about what they have created.”

“So….oh.” The red hair one narrowed his eyes and grunted, “You plan this all.”

The taller one only looked at him with his icy blue and darkly yellow eyes and said nothing.

“You say you watch me.” The smaller one looked up with a frown, “You plan today since then?”

The other one remained silent, his stared was just darker and something hit 9Ae-7331.

“You let them created us.” His voice was just breathless as it sounded to his ears, “You can kill them all when you run away but you didn’t. You wanted them to create more ones like you.” As the truth came out of his mouth, 9Ae-7331 could felt his inside was boiling, “You let them made us!”

He growled in anger and pushed himself away which didn’t do him any good as the grips on his waist and neck tightened and kept him in place. He could hear his bone cracking.

“Don’t.” The Alpha grunted and the warmth in his voice just faded a bit at the edge.

9Ae-7331 could try to attack but he knew before he could have as much as his claw near to the Alpha’s skin, he would have been burn to ashes.

And his instinct under his Alpha’s order didn’t allow him to.

“I told you I was lonely, didn’t I?” The Alpha said and his voice left nothing for the Beta to answer, “You know how it feels to be alone in this entire world, don’t you?”

Yes, 9Ae-7331 knew better than anyone.

In fact, all of them had never felt anything but lonely when they were there, in their cages.

Trapped in the world of fear of being the only one. The possibility of it.

So of course, 9Ae-7331 knew.

“It still wrong.” He grunted low in his throat, feeling a bit frustrated about the whole thing.

“I just don’t want to be alone.” The Alpha said without a trace of guilt.

“You chose me to be an object? And the others too?” The Beta ignored his Alpha’s statement.

“No.” The taller one said as he started to caress the soft skin behind the ear making the smaller one shuddered, “Too much trouble. I only watch the experiment closely when BNFz-03s4 came.” He shrugged, “Well, I thought he was the one….”

Only seeing the amused smirk upon the Alpha’s lips that the Beta realized he was snarling heatingly which he stopped abruptly before turning his head away feeling all pathetic.

“….Until I saw you, of course.” The Alpha chuckled and the warmth in his voice was coming back. He leaned down and laid his lips at the purse of 9Ae-7331’s neck and the latter surprisingly found himself didn’t flinch away anymore.

“You are just getting more and more perfect.” He heard the Alpha drawled in his ear breathily before all of suddenly he was moving with a speed of light.

He hissed and grabbed on to the Alpha’s black shirt when the speed reached the stage of punching air out of his lungs.

“Where going?” He hissed into the Alpha’s neck, “The others? Our pack?”

Our pack?” the taller one muttered in confusion and 9Ae-7331 could feel they were slowing down a bit.

“Oh. Our pack.” The Alpha said again with a different tone and before the smaller one’s could ask why, they abruptly sped up again, which made him closed his throat because breathing and speaking at the same time hurt.

“They are safe.” The Alpha grunted, “Our pack, they are safe. They are waiting for us.”

And 9Ae-7331 shut up at that and let the Alpha carried him away.

Away from where he was created.

Away from his cage.

Away from where darkness was once his home and the heartbeats were his motivation to live.

Away from being alone.

Away from being nothing more than just an object.

Leaned his ear against the Alpha’s heart, listening to the badump   badump of his heartbeats, 9Ae-7331 tried to fill a thousand questions forming in is head with that beat yet he still couldn’t come clearer than he was seconds ago.

The heartbeat was different with his and the others’ yet it was calming.

His fear for the authority the Alpha had on him was still there because this creature was something else all alone that he couldn’t not fear, with 9Ae-7331 and his pack, this Alpha was above everyone,…….but the threat in it was now fading with the sight of the battle ground.

As the sun burned into his just as red eyes, he closed them and he let himself be taken home.



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